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ls； said his aunt； she had known his father； and shared his father’s house。
She had loved his father。 She had known his father when lightning flashed and thunder rolledthrough Heaven； and his father said： ‘Listen。 God is talking。’ She had known him in the morningsof that far…off country when his father turned on his bed and opened his eyes； and she had lookedinto those eyes； seeing what they held； and she had not been afraid。 She had seen him baptized；kicking like a mule and howling； and she had seen him weep when his mother died； he was a rightyoung man then； Florence said。 Because she had looked into those eyes before they had looked onJohn； she knew that John would never know—the purity of his father’s eyes when John was notreflected in their depths。 She could have told him—had he but been able form his hiding…place toask！–how to make his father love him。 But now it was too late。 She would not speak before thejudgment day。 And among those many voices； the stammering with his own； John would care nolonger for her testimony。
When he had finished and the room was ready for Sunday； John felt dusty and weary andsat down beside the window in his father’s easy chair。 A glacial sun filled the streets； and a highwind filled the air with scraps of paper and frost dust； and banged the hanging signs of stores andstore…front churches。 It was the end of winter； and the garbage…filled snow that had been bankedalong the edges of pavements was melting now and filling the gutters。 Boys were playing stickballin the damp； cold streets； dressed in heavy woolen sweaters and heavy trousers； they danced and shouted； and the ball went crack as the stick struck it and sent I speeding through the air。 One ofthem wore a bright…red stocking cap with a great ball of wool hanging down behind that bouncedas he jumped； like a bright omen above his head。 The cold sun made their faces like copper andbrass； and through the closed window John heard their coarse； irreverent voices。 And he wanted tobe one of them； playing in the streets； unfrightened； moving with such grace and power； but heknew this could not be。 Yet； if he could not play their games； he could do something they could notdo； he was able； as one of his teachers said； to think。 But this brought him little in the way ofconsolation； for to…day he was terrified of his thoughts。 He wanted to be with these boys in thestreet； headless and thoughtless； wearing out his treacherous and bewildering body。
But now it was eleven o’clock； and in two hours his father would be home。 And then theymight eat； and then his father would lead them in prayer； and then he would give them a Biblelesson。 By and by it would be evening and he would go to clean the church； and remained for tarryservice。 Suddenly； sitting at the window； and with a violence unprecedented； there arose in John aflood of fury and tears； and he bowed his head； fists clenched against the window…pane； crying；with teeth on edge： ‘What shall I do？ What shall I do？’
Then his mother called him； and he remembered that she was in the kitchen washingclothes and probably had something for him to do。 He rose sullenly and walked into the kitchen。
She stood over the wash…tub； her arms wet and soapy to the elbows and sweat standing on herbrow。 Her apron； improvised from an old sheet； was wet where she had been leaning over thescrubbing…board。 As he came in； she straightened； drying her hands on the edge of the apron。
‘You finish your work； John？’ she askedHe said： ‘Yes’m；’ and thought how oddly she looked at him； as though she were looking atsomeone else’s child。
‘That’s a good boy；’ she said。 She smiled a shy； strained smile。 ‘You know you’re yourmother’s right…hand man？’
He said nothing； and he did not smile； but watched her； wandering to what task thispreamble led。
She turned away； passing one damp hand across her forehead； and went to the cupboard。
Her back was to him； and he watched her while she took down a bright； figured vase； filled withflowers only on the most special occasions； and emptied the contents into her palm。 He heard thechink of money； which meant that she was going to send him to the store。 She put the vase backand turned to face him； her palm loosely folded before her。
‘I didn’t never ask you；’ she said； ‘what you wanted for your birthday。 But you take this；son； and go out and get yourself something you think you want。’
And she opened his palm and put the money into it； warm and wet from her hand。 In themoment that he felt the warm； smooth coins and her hand on his； John stared blindly at her face； sofar above him。 His heart broke and he wanted to put his head on her belly where the wet spot was；and cry。 But he dropped his eyes and looked at his palm； at the small pile of coins。
‘It ain’t much there；’ she said。
‘That’s all right。’ Then he looked up； and she bent down and kissed him on the forehead。
‘You getting to be；’ she said； putting her hand beneath his chin and holding his face awayfrom her； ‘a right big boy。 You going to be a mighty fine man； you know what？ Your mama’scounting on you。’
And he knew again that she was not saying everything she meant； in a kind of secretlanguage she was telling him to…day something that he must remember and understand to…morrow。
He watched her face； his heart swollen with love for her and with an anguish； not yet his own； buthe did not understand and that frightened him。
‘Yes； Ma；’ he said； hoping that she would realize； despite his stammering tongue； the depthof his passion to please her。
‘I know；’ she said； with a smile； releasing him and rising； ‘there’s a whole lot of things youdon’t understand。 But don’t you fret。 The Lord’ll reveal to you in His own good time everythingHe wants you to know。 You put your faith in the Lord； Johnny； and He’ll surely bring you out。
Everything works together for good for them that love the Lord。’
He had heard her say this before—it was her text； as Set thine house in order was hisfather’s—but he knew that to…day she was saying it to him especially； she was trying to help himbecause she knew he was in trouble。 And