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高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第10章

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 again into the carpet;and he gritted his teeth; already on edge because of the dust that filled his mouth; and nearly weptto thinl that so much labor brought so little reward。
  Nor was this the end of John’s Labor; for; having put away the broom and the dustpan; hetook from the small bucket under the sink the dust rag and the furniture oil and a damp cloth; andreturned to the living…room to excavate; as it were; from the dust that threatened to bury them; hisfamily’s goods and gear。 Thinking bitterly of his birthday; he attacked the mirror with the cloth;watching his face appear as out of a cloud。 With a shock he saw that his face had not changed; thatthe hand of Satan was as yet invisible。 His father had always said that his face was the face ofSatan—and was there not something—in the lift of the eyebrow; in the way his rough hair formed a V on his brow—that bore witness to his father’s words? In the eye there was a light that was notthe light of Heaven; and the mouth trembled; lustful and lewd; to drink deep of the wines of Hell。
  He stared at his face as though it were; as indeed it soon appeared to be; the face of a stranger; astranger who held secrets that John could never know。 And; having thought of it as the face of astranger; he tried to look at it as a stranger might; and tried to discover what other people saw。 Buthe saw only details: two great eyes; and a broad; low forehead; and the triangle of his nose; and hisenormous mouth; and the barely perceptible cleft in his chin; which was; his father said; the markof the devil’s little finger。 These details did not help him; for the principle of their unity wasundiscoverable; and he could not tell what he most passionately desired to know: whether his facewas ugly or not。
  And he dropped his eyes to the mantelpiece; lifting one by one the objects that adorned it。
  The mantelpiece held; in brave confusion; photographs; greeting cards; flowered mottoes; twosilver candlesticks that held no candles; and a green metal serpent; poised to strike。 To…day in hisapathy John stared at them; not seeing; he began to dust them with exaggerated care of theprofoundly preoccupied。 One of the mottoes was pink and blue; and proclaimed in raised letters;which made the work of dusting harder:
  e in the evening; or e in the morning;e when you’re looked for; or e without warning;A thousand weles you’ll find here before youAnd the oftener you e here; the more we’ll adore you。
  And the other; in letters of fire against a background of gold; stated:
  For God so loved the world; that He gave His only begotten Son; that whosoevershould believe in Him should not perish; but have everlasting life。
  John iii; 16These somewhat unrelated sentiments decorated either side of the mantelpiece; obscured alittle by the silver candlesticks。 Between these two extremes; the greeting cards; received year afteryear; on Christmas; or Easter; or birthdays; trumpeted their glad tidings; while the green metalserpent; perpetually malevolent; raised its head proudly in the midst of these trophies; biding thetime to strike。 Against the mirror; like a procession; the photographs were arranged。
  These photographs ily; which seemed to feel that aphotograph should memorate only the most distant past。 The photographs of John and Roy;and of the two girls; which seemed to violate this unspoken law; served only in fact to prove itmost iron…hard: they had all been taken in infancy; a time and a condition that the children couldnot remember。 John in this photograph lat naked on a white counterpane; and people laughed andsaid that it was cunning。 But John could never look at it without feeling shame and anger that hisnakedness should be here so unkindly revealed。 None of the other children was naked; no; Roy lay in the crib in a white gown and grinned toothlessly into the camera; and Sarah; somber at the ageof six months; wore a white bon; and Ruth was held in her mother’s arms。 When people lookedat these photograph and laughed; their laughter differ from the laughter with which they greetedthe naked John。 For this reason; when visitors tried to make advances to John he was sullen; andthey; feeling that for some reason he disliked them; retaliated by deciding that he was a ‘funny’
  child。
  Among the other photographs there was one of Aunt Florence; his father’s sister; in whichher hair; in the old…fashioned way; was worn high and tied with a ribbon; she had been very youngwhen his photograph was taken; and had just e North。 Sometimes; when she came to visit; shecalled the photograph to witness that she had indeed been beautiful in her youth。 There was aphotograph of his mother; not the John liked and had only once; but taken immediatelyafterhermarriage。Andthere(one) wasaphotographofhisfat(seen) her; dressed in black;(one) sittingon a country porch with his hands folded heavily in his lap。 The photograph had been taken on asunny day; and the sunlight brutally exaggerated the planes of his father’s face。 He stared into thesun; head raised; unbearable; and though it had been taken when he was young; it was not the faceof a young man; only something archaic in the dress indicated that this photograph had been takenlong ago。 At the time this picture was taken; Aunt Florence said; he was already a preacher; andhad a wife who was now in Heaven。 That he had been a preacher at that time was not astonishing;for it was impossible to imagine that he had ever been anything else; but that he had had a wife inthe so distant past who was now dead filled John with wonder by no means pleasant。 If she hadlived; John thought; then he would never have e North and met his mother。 And this shadowywoman; dead so many years; whose name he knew had been Deborah; held in the fastness of hertomb; it seemed to John; the key to all those mysteries he so longed to unlock。 It was she who hadknown his father in a life where John was not; and in a country John had never seen。 When he wasnothing; nowhere; dust; cloud; air; and sun; and falling rain; not even thought of; said his mother;in Heaven with the angels; said his aunt; she had known his father; and shared his father’s house。
  She had loved his 
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