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openly to my predicament； pay them off； cross the Bosphorus with them to
the üsküdar side； arrange for the judge； making certain that his proxy will sit
in for him so the divorce might be granted by virtue of the witnesses； register
the divorce in the judge’s ledger； obtain a certificate testifying to the
proceeding； obtain written permission for my immediate remarriage； and if
you can acplish all of this and get back to this side of the Bosphorus by the
afternoon； then—assuming no difficulty in finding a preacher who might
marry us this evening—then； as my husband； you could spend this night with
me and my children。 Thereby； you’ll also spare us a sleepless night of hearing
in every creaking of the house the steps of that devilish murderer。 Moreover；
you’ll save me from the wretchedness of being a poor unprotected woman
when we announce the death of my father in the morning。”
“Yes；” said Black with good humor and somewhat childishly。 “Yes。 I agree to
make you mine。”
You remember how only recently I declared I didn’t know why I was
speaking to Black in such a high…handed and insincere manner。 Now I know：
I’ve e to realize that only by assuming such a tone might I convince
Black—who has yet to outgrow his childhood muddle…headedness—to believe
in the possibility of events that even I have a hard time believing will e to
pass。
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“We have a lot to do in fighting our enemies； those who would obstruct the
pletion of my father’s book and those who could contest my divorce and
our marriage ceremony—which will be performed tonight； God willing。 But I
suppose I shouldn’t further confuse you； since you are already even more
confused than I。”
“You aren’t confused at all；” said Black。
“Perhaps； but only because these aren’t my own ideas； I learned them from
my father over the years。” I said this so he wouldn’t dismiss what I said；
assuming that these plans had sprung from my feminine mind。
Next； Black said what I’d heard from every man who wasn’t afraid to admit
he found me very intelligent：
“You’re very beautiful。”
“Yes；” I said； “it pleases me to be praised for my intelligence。 When I was a
child； my father would often do so。”
I was about to add that once I’d grown up my father ceased to praise my
intelligence； but I began to weep。 As I cried； it was as if I’d left myself and was
being another； entirely separate woman。 Like some reader troubled by a
sad picture in the pages of a book； I saw my life from the outside and pitied
what I saw。 There’s something so innocent in crying over one’s troubles； as
though they were another’s； that when Black embraced me； a sense of well…
being spread over us both。 Yet； this time； as we hugged； this sense of fort
remained there between us； unable to affect the adversaries circling us。
212
I AM CALLED BLACK
Widowed； abandoned and aggrieved； my beloved Shekure fled with featherlike
steps； and I stood as if stunned in the stillness of the house of the Hanged Jew；
amid the aroma of almonds and dreams of marriage she’d left in her wake。 I
was bewildered； but my mind was churning so fast it almost hurt。 Without
even a chance to grieve properly over my Enishte’s death； I swiftly returned
home。 On the one hand； a worm of doubt was gnawing at me： Was Shekure
using me as a pawn in a grand scheme； was she duping me？ On the other
hand； fantasies of a blissful marriage stubbornly played before my eyes。
After making conversation with my landlady who interrogated me at the
front door as to where I’d gone and whence I was ing at this morning
hour； I went to my room and removed the twenty…two Veian gold pieces
from the lining of the sash I’d hidden in my mattress； placing them in my
money purse with trembling fingers。 When I returned to the street； I knew
immediately I’d see Shekure’s dark； teary； troubled eyes for the rest of the day。
I changed five of the Veian Lions at a perpetually smiling Jewish money
changer。 Next； deep in thought； I entered the neighborhood whose name I’ve
yet to mention because I’m not fond of it： Yakutlar； where my deceased
Enishte and Shekure； along with her children； awaited me at their house。 As I
made my way along the streets almost running； a tall plane tree seemed to
reproach me for being overjoyed by dreams and plans of marriage on the very
day my Enishte had passed away。 Next； as the ice had melted； a street fountain
hissed into my ear： “Don’t take matters too seriously； see to your own affairs
and your own happiness。” “That’s all fine and good；” objected an ill…omened
black cat licking himself on the corner； “but everybody； yourself included；
suspects you had a hand in your uncle’s murder。”
The cat left off licking himself as I suddenly caught sight of its bewitching
eyes。 I don’t have to tell you how brazen these Istanbul cats get when the
locals spoil them。
I found the Imam Effendi； whose droopy eyelids and large black eyes gave
him a perpetually sleepy look； not at his house； but in the courtyard of the
neighborhood mosque； and there I asked him quite a trivial legal question：
“When is one obligated to testify in court？” I raised my eyebrows as I listened
to his haughty answer as if I were hearing this information for the first time。
“Bearing witness is optional if other witnesses are present；” explained the
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Imam Effendi； “but； in situations where there was only one witness； it is the
will of God that one bear witness。”
“That’s just the predicament I find myself in now；” I said； taking up the
conversation。 “In a situation everyone knows about； all the witnesses have
shirked their responsibilities and avoided going to court with the excuse that
”it’s only voluntary；“ and as a res