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so we went to bed； though not to sleep。 father and mother and mr。 dussel were awake most of the night； and im not exaggerating when i say that i hardly got a wink of sleep。 this morning the men went downstairs to see if the outside door was still locked； but all was well！
of course； we gave the entire office staff a blow…by…blow account of the incident； which had been far from pleasant。 its much easier to laugh at these kinds of things after theyve happened； and bep was the only one who took us seriously。
yours； anne
ps。 this morning the toilet was clogged； and father had to stick in a long wooden pole and fish out several pounds of excrement and strawberry recipes （which is what we use for toilet paper these days）。 afterward we burned the pole。
saturday； march 27； 1943
dearest kitty；
weve finished our shorthand course and are now working on improving our speed。
arent we smart！ let me tell you more about my 〃time killers〃 （this is what i call my courses； because all we ever do is try to make the days go by as quickly as possible so we are that much closer to the end of our time here）。 i adore mythology； espe cially the greek and roman gods。 everyone here thinks my interest is just a passing fancy； since theyve never heard of a teenager with an appreciation of mythology。 well then； i guess im the first！
mr。 van daan has a cold。 or rather； he has a scratchy throat； but hes making an enormous to…do over it。 he gargles with camomile tea； coats the roof of his mouth with a tincture of myrrh and rubs mentholatum over his chest； nose； gums and tongue。
and to top it off； hes in a foul mood！
rauter； some german bigwig； recently gave a speech。 〃all jews must be out of the german…occupied territories before july 1。 the province of utrecht will be cleansed of jews ＇as if they were cockroaches＇ between april 1 and may 1； and the provinces of north and south holland between may 1 and june 1。〃 these poor people are being
shipped off to filthiy slaughterhouses like a herd of sick and neglected cattle。 but ill say no more on the subject。 my own thoughts give me nightmares！
one good piece of news is that the labor exchange was set on fire in an act of sabotage。 a few days later the county clerks office also went up in flames。 men posing as german police bound and gagged the guards and managed to destroy some important documents。
yours； anne
x
APRIL； 1943
！
thursday； april 1； 1943
dearest kitty；
im not really in the mood for pranks （see the date）。
on the contrary； today i can safely quote the saying〃 misfortunes never e singly。”
first； mr。 kleiman； our merry sunshine； had another bout of gastrointestinal hemorrhaging yesterday and will have to stay in bed for at least three weeks。 i should tell you that his stomach has been bothering him quite a bit； and theres no cure。 second； bep has the flu。 third； mr。 voskuijl has to go to the hospital next week。
he probably has an ulcer and will have to undergo surgery。 fourth； the managers of pomosin industries came from frankfurt to discuss the new opekta deliveries。 father had gone yer the important points with mr。 kleiman； and there wasnt enough time to give mr。 kugler a thor ough briefing。
the gentlemen arrived from frankfurt； and father was already shaking at the thought of how the talks would go。 〃if only i could be there； if only i were downstairs；〃 he exclaimed。
〃go lie down with your ear to the floor。 theyll be brought to the private office； and youll be able to hear everything。 fathers face cleared； and yesterday morning at ten…thirty margot and pim （two ears are better than one） took up their posts on the floor。 by noon the talks werent finished； but father was in no shape to continue his listen ing campaign。 he was in agony from having to lie for hours in such an unusual and unfortable position。 at two…thirty we heard voices in the hall； and i took his place； margot kept me pany。 the conversation was so long…winded and boring that i suddenly fell asleep on the cold； hard linoleum。 margot didnt dare touch me for fear theyd hear us； and of course she couldnt shout。 i slept for a good half hour and then awoke with a start；
having forgotten every word of the important discussion。 luckily； margot had paid more attention。
yours； anne
friday； april 2； 1943
dearest kitty；
oh my； another item has been added to my list of sins。 last night~ was lying in bed； waiting for father to tuck me in an say my prayers with me； when mother came into the room； sat on my bed and asked very gently； 〃anne； daddy isnt ready。 how about if i listen to your prayers tonight？”
〃no； momsy；〃 i replied。
mother got up； stood beside my bed for a moment and then slowly walked toward the door。 suddenly she turned； her face contorted with pain； and said； 〃i dont want to be angry with you。 i cant make you love me！〃 a few tears slid down her cheeks as she went out the door。
i lay still； thinking how mean it was of me to reject her so cruelly； but i also knew that i was incapable of answering her any other way。 i cant be a hypocrite and pray with her when i dont feel like it。 it just doesnt work that way。 i felt sorry for mother …… very； very sorry …… because for the first time in my life i noticed she wasnt indifferent to my coldness。 i saw the sorrow in her face when she talked about not being able to make me love her。 its hard to tell the truth； and yet the truth is that shes the one whos rejected me。 shes the one whose tactless ments and cruel jokes about matters i dont think are funny have made me insensitive to any sign of love on her part。 just as my heart sinks every time i hear her harsh words； thats how her heart sank when she realized there was no more love between us。
she cried half the night and didnt get any sleep。 father has avoided looking at me； and if his eyes do happen to cross mine； i can read his unspoken words： 〃how can you be so unkind？ how dare you make your mother so sad！”
everyone expects me to apologize； but this is not something i can apologize for； because i told the truth； and sooner or later mothjr was bound to find out anyway。 i seem to be indifferent to mothers tears and fathers glances； and i