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ore like some kind of natural process。 you knew that breakfast would be on the table tomorrow morning in much the same way as you knew the sun would rise。 all through her life mother went to bed at nine and got up at five； and she’d have thought it vaguely wicked—sort of decadent and foreign and aristocratic—to keep later hours。 although she didn’t mind paying katie simmons to take joe and me out for walks； she would never tolerate the idea of having a woman in to help with the housework。 it was her firm belief that a hired woman always sweeps the dirt under the dresser。 our meals were always ready on the tick。 enormous meals—boiled beef and dumplings； roast beef and yorkshire； boiled mutton and capers； pig’s head； apple pie； spotted dog； and jam roly…poly—with grace before and after。 the old ideas about bringing up children still held good； though they were going out fast。 in theory children were still thrashed and put to bed on bread and water； and certainly you were liable to be sent away from table if you made too much noise eating； or choked； or refused something that was ‘good for you’； or ‘answered back’。 in practice there wasn’t much discipline in our family； and of the two mother was the firmer。 father； though he was always quoting ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’； was really much too weak with us； especially with joe； who was a hard case from the start。 he was always ‘going to’ give joe a good hiding； and he used to tell us stories； which i now believe were lies； about the frightful thrashings his own father used to give him with a leather strap； but nothing ever came of it。 by the time joe was twelve he was too strong for mother to get him across her knee； and after that there was no doing anything with him。
at that time it was still thought proper for parents to say ‘don’t’ to their children all day long。 you’d often hear a man boasting that he’d ‘thrash the life out of’ his son if he caught him smoking； or stealing apples； or robbing a bird’s nest。 in some families these thrashings actually took place。 old lovegrove； the saddler； caught his two sons； great lumps aged sixteen and fifteen； smoking in the garden shed and walloped them so that you could hear it all over the town。 lovegrove was a very heavy smoker。 the thrashings never seemed to have any effect； all boys stole apples； robbed birds’ nests； and learned to smoke sooner or later； but the idea was still knocking around that children should be treated rough。 practically everything worth doing was forbidden； in theory anyway。 according to mother； everything that a boy ever wants to do was ‘dangerous’。 swimming was dangerous； climbing trees was dangerous； and so were sliding； snowballing； hanging on behind carts； using catapults and squailers； and even fishing。 all animals were dangerous； except nailer； the two cats； and jackie the bullfinch。 every animal had its special recognized methods of attacking you。 horses bit； bats got into your hair； earwigs got into your ears； swans broke your leg with a blow of their wings； bulls tossed you； and snakes ‘stung’。 all snakes stung； according to mother； and when i quoted the penny encyclopedia to the effect that they didn’t sting but bit； she only told me not to answer back。 lizards； slow…worms； toads； frogs； and newts also stung。 all insects stung； except flies and blackbeetles。 practically all kinds of food； except the food you had at meals； were either poisonous or ‘bad for you’。 raw potatoes were deadly poison； and so were mushrooms unless you bought them at the greengrocer’s。 raw gooseberries gave you colic and raw raspberries gave you a skin… rash。 if you had a bath after a meal you died of cramp； if you cut yourself between the thumb and forefinger you got lockjaw； and if you washed your hands in the water eggs were boiled in you got warts。 nearly everything in the shop was poisonous； which was why mother had put the gate in the doorway。 cowcake was poisonous； and so was chicken corn； and so were mustard seed and karswood poultry spice。 sweets were bad for you and eating between meals was bad for you； though curiously enough there were certain kinds of eating between meals that mother always allowed。 when she was making plum jam she used to let us eat the syrupy stuff that was skimmed off the top； and we used to gorge ourselves with it till we were sick。 although nearly everything in the world was either dangerous or poisonous； there were certain things that had mysterious virtues。 raw onions were a cure for almost everything。 a stocking tied round your neck was a cure for a sore throat。 sulphur in a dog’s drinking water acted as a tonic； and old nailer’s bowl behind the back door always had a lump of sulphur in it which stayed there year after year； never dissolving。
we used to have tea at six。 by four mother had generally finished the housework； and between four and sihe used to have a quiet cup of tea and ‘read her paper’； as she called it。 as a matter of fact she didn’t often read the newspaper except on sundays。 the week…day papers only had the day’s news； and it was only occasionally that there was a murder。 but the editors of the sunday papers had grasped that people don’t really mind whether their murders are up to date and when there was no new murder on hand they’d hash up an old one； sometimes going as far back as dr palmer and mrs manning。 i think mother thought of the world outside lower binfleld chiefly as a place where murders were mitted。 murders had a terrible fascination for her； because； as she often said； she just didn’t know how people could be so wicked。 cutting their wives’ throats； burying their fathers under cement floors； throwing babies down wells！ how anyone could do such things！ the jack the ripper scare had happened about the time when father and mother were married； and the big wooden shutters we used to draw over the shop windows every night dated from then。 shutters for shop windows were going out； most of the shops in the high street didn’t have them； but mother felt safe behind them。 all along； she said； she’d had a dreadful feeling that jack the ripper was hiding in lower binfield。 the crippen case—but that was years later