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by the third day he will begin cursing at having created such a nuisance for himself； and will start finding ways to get out of it。
it is very difficult to maintain the desire to stay hungry for ninety days。
when mahavira said； 〃stay hungry and die；〃 there was no room for anyone to create any deception； because in ninety days
。
anyone who has even the slightest lack of will would escape much earlier in the process。
so there is no way to deceive。
if mahavira had given the permission to die by taking poison； drowning in a river； jumping off a mountain； it would have been a matter of instant death。
of course； we all manage to make a resolve good enough for one moment。
but a warrior good for showing only a moments bravery is of no use on the battlefield； because he will bee a coward the next moment。
he will turn out to be a coward with as much resolve as he was brave a moment ago。
so mahavira has given permission to mit santhara； causing death to oneself as a spiritual discipline。
if anyone wished to put himself through a final test； even if it meant meeting death voluntarily； mahavira had given permission for it。
this is truly very significant and worth giving a thought。
mahavira is the first person on this earth who has authorized that a seeker can follow this discipline。
there are a couple of reasons for it。
for one thing； mahavira was fully assured that no one dies really。
hence he felt there was no need to worry so much about death； and he found no harm in a seeker pursuing this discipline。
secondly； besides being experienced himself； mahavira was also confident that if a man were to seek death unwaveringly for fifty； sixty； seventy； eighty； ninety； or a hundred days； the very greatness of that event is bound to transform him。
we all experience a moment or two when the thought of death crosses our mind。
there is hardly a person in the world who has not wished to die at least a few times during his life。
of course； that he didnt die is a different matter。
the fact is； such moments do e when a man wishes to die。
but then he takes a cup of tea and forgets the whole thing。
the wife gets fed up with her husband and contemplates hanging herself。
then the husband es home with tickets for the movie。
thats it； the woman drops the whole idea。
she finds it too boring。
once i had an occasion to stay at a place where a bengali professor and his wife were my next…door neighbors。
the very first night of my stay i heard loud noises ing from the other side。
there was a terrible fight going on between the husband and wife。
i could hear everything through the wall。
the husband was threatening to kill himself。
i was in a quandary。
there was no one else around except me； and things looked rather serious。
i wondered whether i should go over and help。
although it was the first night and the couple were total strangers to me； i felt it didnt matter if we knew each other or not。
i said to myself； 〃they are my neighbors； ill be responsible too if the man dies。
〃 nevertheless； i restrained myself in the hope that when the man would actually walk out to kill himself i would go and stop him。
then for some time all was quiet。
i thought the matter was settled between the two and that both had cooled down。
but still i felt i should go out and see what was going on。
so i came out。
the door next to my room was open and the wife was sitting inside。
the fellow had already gone。
i asked her； 〃where did your husband go？〃
she said； 〃dont be worried； he has gone away like this many times before； hell be back soon。
〃
i said； 〃but he has gone to kill himself！〃
she said； 〃you need not be worried； he is sure to e back。
〃
and indeed； about fifteen minutes later the husband returned。
i was still waiting outside。
i said to him； 〃you have e back？〃 he was unaware that i knew he had gone to mit suicide。
he said； 〃cant you see the clouds have gathered？ looks like its going to rain。
i had not taken an umbrella with me； so i came back。
〃 a man wanting to kill himself drops the idea if he is without an umbrella！ this is how it is。
we all think of dying many times； but not for the sake of dying really。
the idea es to us because there is some problem in our life。
we think of ending our lives because we lack resolution。
just a little trouble； a little difficulty； and one rushes to end it all。
one who wants to meet death because he cant face the problems of life is not a man of will。
however； if a man sets out to have a direct； positive experience of death； if he is on his way to know what death is with a positive attitude； if he has no conflict with life； if he is not against life； then even in death this man is searching for life。
this is a totally different thing。
there is yet another significant factor involved in this matter。
ordinarily； we cannot determine our birth。
although ultimately we do influence birth； but our determination of it happens through our unconscious state。
we never know why we will be born； where we will be born； and for what purpose we will be born。
but death； in a way； is something which can be determined by us。
death is a very unusual event in life； its a very decisive happening。
nothing can be clearly determined by us as far as birth is concerned …… that is； where to take birth； the purpose of taking birth； the circumstances surrounding the birth； and so on。
but about death we can certainly decide how we are going to die； where we are going to die； why we are going to die。
we can definitely determine the way we want to die。
so mahavira had given permission to follow the discipline of death for this reason also； that one who will die applying this method will automatically bee the determiner of his next birth as well； because one who has managed to choose his death； who has arranged to die voluntarily； for him nature provides an opportunity to choose his next birth too。
this is the other side of it。
if one exits from the gate of life with dignity and grandeur； in full knowledge； then the other gates will bee wide open and wele him