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today you posed the challenge。
the mind will find a thousand and one excuses for you to look outside。
it will contrive a thousand ways to force you to break your resolve and read the signs。
it will use all its cunning。
this is how things are。
we only live by the mind。
a seeker begins to live by his will。
one who lives by the mind is not a seeker at all。
only one who lives by his resolve is a true seeker indeed。
a seeker means one whose mind is being transformed into will。
so pick very small situations …… you can choose for yourself …… and then experiment a few times during the day。
no one needs to know about it； but there is no need to go into isolation either。
just do the experiment quietly and move along。
for example； make a small resolve that 〃when someone bees angry at me； i will laugh it off。
〃 when carried out a number of times； each experiment will yield such rich dividends that you will thank the person who became angry at you。
so make this tiny resolve： 〃whenever anyone gets angry at me； ill simply laugh； no matter what。
〃 within fifteen days youll find you have bee a different person。
the whole quality of your being has changed …… you are no longer the same man who lived fifteen days ago。
make very small decisions and try to live up to them。
in the process of living the decisions； when you bee confident of making bigger decisions； then go ahead and make a little higher resolutions。
the final resolution a seeker should find worth making is that of meeting death voluntarily。
the day you feel you can； go ahead and do it。
having determined； the day you see your body lying like a corpse； you will know all that there is to know。
then no scripture in the world； no guru will have anything new to add to it。
question 2
one who mits suicide also tries to kill himself voluntarily。
and until he is dead pletely； he remains aware of the process of dying too： that the body is being cold； or the life energy is shrinking； and so on。
but he cannot e back in the body after having reached the final state。
isnt suicide similar to the experiment in voluntary death？
suicide can be used as an experiment in willpower； but normally people who mit suicide dont do it for that reason。
ordinarily； the man who mits suicide does not do it feeling himself responsible for it。
mostly he feels people are driving him to mit suicide； certain circumstances； certain events are pelling him to end his life。
if the circumstances were not such； he would not have attempted the suicide。
this man； for instance； was in love with someone； but his love was not returned。
now he wants to end his life。
had his love been reciprocated； there would have been no need for him to embrace death。
in fact； this man who is contemplating suicide is not doing so with any readiness to die really。
he is willing to live only on one condition。
since the condition has not been fulfilled； hence the denial of life。
the man is not interested in dying actually； the truth is； he has lost interest in living。
so basically this kind of suicide is a forced one。
therefore； if a person who is about to end his life can be stopped even for two seconds； perhaps he will not attempt it the second time。
just the delay of a couple of moments can be enough； because in those moments his mental resolve will fall apart …… it was put together forcibly。
a man mitting suicide is not making a resolve。
the fact is he is running away from making the resolve。
ordinarily； a man who has killed himself is not a brave man； he is a coward。
actually； life was asking him to exercise his will； it was telling him； 〃the woman you loved before
。
now make a resolve and forget her。
〃 but the man didnt have the capacity。
life was pointing out to him： 〃forget the person you loved before； love someone else。
〃 but the man didnt have the guts。
life tells someone； 〃you were rich until yesterday； today you are bankrupt。
nevertheless； live！〃 he doesnt have the courage。
he is not able to make a determination and live。
he sees only one way out： self…destruction。
he does this in order to avoid making firm resolves。
meeting death like this is not a demonstration of his positive will； rather； it is a show of his negative will。
a negative will is of no use。
such a man will be born with an even weaker soul in his next life …… with a much more impotent soul than the one he had in this life； because he escaped from a situation that had offered him an opportunity to arouse his will。
it is as if a child runs away from his class as the examination hour approaches。
in a way； he has shown his determination too。
thirty students were taking the exam； but this fellow decided to run away。
this indicates a negative will。
the will to appear for the exam was a positive one； it meant willingness to put up a struggle。
but the boy escaped from the struggle。
an escapist shows his determination too。
when a man confronted by a lion runs and climbs up a tree； in a way he also uses his will。
but that wont necessarily make him a man of will； because after all； he is running away； he is escaping。
a suicidal tendency is essentially an escapist tendency。
there is no resolve in it。
death can be used； of course； for the purpose of exercising willpower …… but thats a different matter。
for example； in the jaina tradition death has also been used to strengthen willpower。
mahavira is the only person in the world who allowed if any seeker wished to use death for this purpose。
no one else has given such permission。
only mahavira has said one can use death as a spiritual discipline …… but not the kind of instantaneous death which occurs by taking poison。
one cant build his willpower in one instant； it requires a long span of time。
mahavira says； 〃go on a fast； and die of hunger。
〃
it takes ninety days for a normal； healthy man to die of hunger。
if he is weak in his resolve …… even a little bit …… the desire for food will return the very next day。
by the third day he will begin cursing at having created such a nuisance for himself； an