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it is in our own interest that we bee unconscious； nature does not allow us to remember passing through death。
in every life we repeat almost the same mistakes we have repeated in our past lives。
if we could only recall what we did in our past lives； we might not fall into the same ditches again。
and if we could only remember what we did throughout our previous lives； we could no longer remain the same as we are now。
it is impossible we could remain the same； because time and time again we have amassed wealth and every time death has made all that wealth meaningless。
if we could recall this； we might not carry； any longer； the same craze for money within us as we did before。
we have fallen in love a thousand times； and time and time again it has ultimately proven to be meaningless。
if we could recall this； our craze for falling in love with others and for having others fall in love with us would disappear。
thousands upon thousands of times we have been ambitious； egoistic； we have attained success； high position； and in the end all of it has turned out to be useless； all of it has turned to dust。
if we could recall this； perhaps our ambition would lose its steam； and then we would not remain the same people we are now。
since we do not remember our past lives； we keep moving in almost the same circle。
man does not realize that he has gone through the same circle many times before； and that he is going through it once again in the same hope he carried with him so often before。
then death ruins all hopes； and once again the cycle begins。
man moves in circles like an ox on a water…wheel。
one can save oneself from this harm； but it requires great awareness and continuous experimentation。
one cannot start waiting for death all at once； because one cannot bee suddenly aware during such a big operation； under such a great trauma。
we will have to experiment slowly。
we will have to experiment slowly with small miseries to see how we can be aware while going through them。
for example； you have a headache。
at one and the same time you bee aware and begin to feel that you have a headache； not that the head is in pain。
so one will have to experiment on the little headache and learn to feel that； 〃the pain is in the head and i am aware of it。
〃
when swami ram was in america people had great difficulty following him in the beginning。
when the president of america paid him a visit； he was puzzled too。
he asked； 〃what language is this？〃 …… because ram used to speak in the third person。
he would not say； 〃i am hungry；〃 he would say； 〃ram is hungry。
〃 he would not say； 〃i have a headache；〃 he would say； 〃ram has a severe headache。
〃
in the beginning people had great difficulty following him。
for example； he once said； 〃last night ram was freezing。
〃 when asked who he was referring to； he replied that he was referring to ram。
when he was asked； 〃which ram？〃 he said； pointing to himself； 〃this ram …… the poor guy was freezing cold last night。
we kept laughing and asked； hows the cold ram？〃
he would say； 〃ram was walking on the street and some people began swearing at him。
we had a belly laugh and said； how do you like the swearing； ram？ if you seek honor； you are bound to meet with insult。
〃 when people asked； 〃who are you talking about； which ram？〃 he would point to himself。
you will have to start experimenting with minor kinds of miseries。
you encounter them every day in life； they are present every day …… not only miseries； you will have to include happiness in the experiment also； because it is more difficult to be aware in happiness than it is to be in misery。
it is not so difficult to experience that your head and the pain in it are two separate things； but it is more difficult to experience that； 〃the body is separate and the joy of being healthy is separate from me too …… i am not even that。
〃 it is difficult to maintain this distance when we are happy because in happiness we like to be close to it。
while in misery； we obviously want to feel separate； away from it。
should it bee certain that the pain is separate from us； we want it to stay that way so we can be free of it。
you will have to experiment on how to remain aware in misery as well as in happiness。
one who carries out such experiments often brings misery upon himself； of his own free will； in order to experience it。
this is basically the secret of all asceticism： it is an experiment to undergo voluntary pain。
for example； a man is on a fast。
by remaining hungry he is trying to find out what effect hunger has on his consciousness。
ordinarily； a person who is on a fast hasnt the slightest notion of what he is doing …… he only knows that he is hungry and looks forward to having his meal the next day。
the fundamental purpose of fasting is to experience that； 〃hunger is there； but it is far away from me。
the body is hungry； i am not。
〃 so by inducing hunger voluntarily； one is trying to know； from within； if hunger is there。
ram is hungry …… i am not hungry。
i know hunger is there； and this has to bee a continuous knowing until i reach a point where a distance occurs between me and the hunger …… where i no longer remain hungry …… even in hunger i no longer remain hungry。
only the body stays hungry and i know it。
i simply remain a knower。
then the meaning of fasting bees very profound； then it does not mean merely remaining hungry。
normally； one who goes on a fast keeps repeating twenty…four hours a day that he is hungry； that he has not eaten any food that day。
his mind continues to fantasize about the food he will eat the next day and plans for it。
this kind of fasting is meaningless。
then it is merely abstaining from food。
the distinction between abstaining from food and fasting； upvasa； is this： fasting means residing closer and closer。
closer to what？ it means ing closer to the self by creating a distance from the body。
the word upvasa does not imply going without food。
upvasa means residing closer and closer。
closer to what？ it means closer to the self； residing closer to the self and fur