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〃 you will have to raise consciousness in order to move forward； because as you move ahead on the bridge； youll bee more and more aware …… only then will you be able to advance。
moving ahead means only one thing： bee more and more aware。
this too is a matter of choice； and it is up to you and up to everyone else what to choose。
you cant make anyone else responsible for it； because there is no one sitting up above who can be blamed for causing you to make a wrong choice。
there is nobody up there。
the sky is empty。
there is no god or goddess； no divine being sitting up in heaven whom you can drag into the court and say； 〃we were moving along on a right path； you made us go astray a little。
〃 you wont be able to say； 〃things would have worked out better had you kept yourself out of it。
〃
there is no one you can address like that； hence there is no way to do it。
ultimately the individual is responsible。
he is responsible for the good as well as the bad。
there is no one else you can hold responsible； who can answer why a certain thing happened …… there is no one at all。
of course those who have gone ahead say； crying loudly； 〃dont turn back in fear； because much joy lies ahead of you。
once you reach there； all worries； all restlessness； all misery es to an end。
〃 they say this； shouting aloud； but their voices sound strange to us because the place from where they speak is unknown to us。
〃how can we attain bliss？〃 is how it appears to us。
if； advancing this far； so much pain has been our lot； how much more of the same will not e to us if we move even further ahead？ so a man feels he should turn back to where misery did not exist。
everyone says how blissful childhood was； so if man could； he would immediately return to the state of childhood。
since he cannot； he stays where he is。
man says there was no misery in childhood。
he may even go a step further and say； 〃it was so blissful being in the mothers womb。
〃 if he could； he would love to be back there； but he cannot。
so he moves on ahead。
we can choose to regress in life； we can return to the unconscious state； we can find ways of being unconscious …… if thats what we want。
we dont even understand the language of the voices that e from afar because we have no idea what bliss is。
we dont even know what sort of thing it is that people call bliss。
we are familiar with what misery is …… all too familiar； as a matter of fact。
we also know the more we tried to attain happiness； the more we found misery。
now we are afraid lest； in our quest for bliss； we land ourselves in more trouble。
since we came across more misery trying to find happiness； we take the state of bliss to be more or less similar to the state of happiness …… perhaps as a little more intense state of happiness。
but we are afraid of facing trouble as well。
the fact remains that in attempting to gain happiness we encountered pain； so now； in an effort to find bliss； the fear is we may have to face even more trouble； even greater misery。
so we hear these voices ing from far away； and with folded hands we salute and say to the people of the other shore； 〃you are gods； you are avataras； you are tirthankaras； you are great！ we will worship you； but we want to go back！〃
we are afraid of the unknown。
the fear is we will lose whatever little happinesses we have collected； they seem to be dropping away as we move ahead。
the reason is we have built our houses on the very bridge that was only meant to be crossed。
we have started living there。
we have settled down there； we have turned it into our living room。
now when someone tells us to move ahead； we feel worried about losing the things we have gathered around us。
it bees obvious that moving ahead means leaving behind whatsoever we now have。
so we say； 〃let the time e。
when i am old； when death is at hand； when all i have begins to drop； thats when i will e forward right away。
then there wont be anything to worry about。
〃 but the closer we e to death； the stronger the grip bees。
as death approaches we close our fists more tightly。
thats why an old man bees utterly miserly； a young man is never so miserly。
an old man bees a miser in every way。
he holds tight。
at the time of his departure the old man bees paranoid lest everything he is holding on to might slip through his hands。
he holds his possessions firmly； lest his grip loosen。
this very clinging to things so firmly turns one into an ugly old man； otherwise； the beauty and grace of an old man can be matchless。
we are aware of beautiful children and we know of less beautiful young people； but beautiful old men are very rare to find。
only once in a while does one e across someone who has grown into a beautiful old man。
otherwise； ordinarily； with the increasing miserliness and holding fast to possessions； everything starts being uglier and uglier。
an open hand looks beautiful； a closed fist looks ugly。
freedom is beautiful； attachment is slavery。
everyone thinks he will give up his attachments sometime in the future； at the right opportunity。
he waits u
。。
Chapter 12
（／小｜说｜网）
the distance makes the difference
3 august 1970 pm in bombay； india
question 1
in order for one to stay awake at the time of death； or in order for one to successfully experience a conscious death in meditation； please explain in detail how a seeker should work on the following： the body system； the breathing system； the state of breathing； the state of ones being； celibacy； the state of ones mind。
before one can remain conscious in the moment of death； first one needs to prepare to stay conscious in pain and suffering。
ordinarily； it is not possible for one who bees unconscious even in misery to stay awake at the time of death。
one needs to understand what it means to bee unconscious when in misery。
that will make one understand what it means to be conscious in misery too。
being unconscious when one is in misery means one has identified oneself with the misery。
when you have a headache； you dont feel any distance between the headache an