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Jane Eyre-第93章

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tay here; till i find another shelter to betake myself to:” but i stopped; feeling it would not do to risk a long sentence; for my voice was not quite under mand。

“in about a month i hope to be a bridegroom;” continued mr。 rochester; “and in the interim; i shall myself look out for employment and an asylum for you。”

“thank you; sir; i am sorry to give—”

“oh; no need to apologise! i consider that when a dependent does her duty as well as you have done yours; she has a sort of claim upon her employer for any little assistance he can conveniently render her; indeed i have already; through my future mother…in…law; heard of a place that i think will suit: it is to undertake the education of the five daughters of mrs。 dionysius o’gall of bitternutt lodge; connaught; ireland。 you’ll like ireland; i think: they’re such warm…hearted people there; they say。”

“it is a long way off; sir。”

“no matter—a girl of your sense will not object to the voyage or the distance。”

“not the voyage; but the distance: and then the sea is a barrier—”

“from what; jane?”

“from england and from thornfield: and—”

“well?”

“from you; sir。”

i said this almost involuntarily; and; with as little sanction of free will; my tears gushed out。 i did not cry so as to be heard; however; i avoided sobbing。 the thought of mrs。 o’gall and bitternutt lodge struck cold to my heart; and colder the thought of all the brine and foam; destined; as it seemed; to rush between me and the master at whose side i now walked; and coldest the remembrance of the wider ocean—wealth; caste; custom intervened between me and what i naturally and inevitably loved。

“it is a long way;” i again said。

“it is; to be sure; and when you get to bitternutt lodge; connaught; ireland; i shall never see you again; jane: that’s morally certain。 i never go over to ireland; not having myself much of a fancy for the country。 we have been good friends; jane; have we not?”

“yes; sir。”

“and when friends are on the eve of separation; they like to spend the little time that remains to them close to each other。 e! we’ll talk over the voyage and the parting quietly half…an…hour or so; while the stars enter into their shining life up in heaven yonder: here is the chestnut tree: here is the bench at its old roots。 e; we will sit there in peace to…night; though we should never more be destined to sit there together。” he seated me and himself。

“it is a long way to ireland; janet; and i am sorry to send my little friend on such weary travels: but if i can’t do better; how is it to be helped? are you anything akin to me; do you think; jane?”

i could risk no sort of answer by this time: my heart was still。

“because;” he said; “i sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you—especially when you are near me; as now: it is as if i had a string somewhere under my left ribs; tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame。 and if that boisterous channel; and two hundred miles or so of land e broad between us; i am afraid that cord of munion will be snapt; and then i’ve a nervous notion i should take to bleeding inwardly。 as for you;—you’d forget me。”

“that i never should; sir: you know—” impossible to proceed。

“jane; do you hear that nightingale singing in the wood? listen!”

in listening; i sobbed convulsively; for i could repress what i endured no longer; i was obliged to yield; and i was shaken from head to foot with acute distress。 when i did speak; it was only to express an impetuous wish that i had never been born; or never e to thornfield。

“because you are sorry to leave it?”

the vehemence of emotion; stirred by grief and love within me; was claiming mastery; and struggling for full sway; and asserting a right to predominate; to overe; to live; rise; and reign at last: yes;—and to speak。

“i grieve to leave thornfield: i love thornfield:… i love it; because i have lived in it a full and delightful life;—momentarily at least。 i have not been trampled on。 i have not been petrified。 i have not been buried with inferior minds; and excluded from every glimpse of munion with what is bright and energetic and high。 i have talked; face to face; with what i reverence; with what i delight in;—with an original; a vigorous; an expanded mind。 i have known you; mr。 rochester; and it strikes me with terror and anguish to feel i absolutely must be torn from you for ever。 i see the necessity of departure; and it is like looking on the necessity of death。”

“where do you see the necessity?” he asked suddenly。

“where? you; sir; have placed it before me。”

“in what shape?”

“in the shape of miss ingram; a noble and beautiful woman;—your bride。”

“my bride! what bride? i have no bride!”

“but you will have。”

“yes;—i will!—i will!” he set his teeth。

“then i must go:… you have said it yourself。”

“no: you must stay! i swear it—and the oath shall be kept。”

“i tell you i must go!” i retorted; roused to something like passion。 “do you think i can stay to bee nothing to you? do you think i am an automaton?—a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips; and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? do you think; because i am poor; obscure; plain; and little; i am soulless and heartless? you think wrong!—i have as much soul as you;—and full as much heart! and if god had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth; i should have made it as hard for you to leave me; as it is now for me to leave you。 i am not talking to you now through the medium of custom; conventionalities; nor even of mortal flesh;—it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave; and we stood at god’s feet; equal;—as we are!”

“as we are!” repeated mr。 rochester—“so;” he added; enclosing me in his arms。 gathering me to his breast; pressing his lips on my lips: “so; jane!”

“yes; so; sir;” i rejoined: “and yet not so; for you are a married man—or as good as a married man; and wed to one inferior to you—to one with whom you have no 
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