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ng on: but i always think it best to err on the safe side; a door is soon fastened; and it is as well to have a drawn bolt between one and any mischief that may be about。 a deal of people; miss; are for trusting all to providence; but i say providence will not dispense with the means; though he often blesses them when they are used discreetly。” and here she closed her harangue: a long one for her; and uttered with the demureness of a quakeress。
i still stood absolutely dumfoundered at what appeared to me her miraculous self…possession and most inscrutable hypocrisy; when the cook entered。
“mrs。 poole;” said she; addressing grace; “the servants’ dinner will soon be ready: will you e down?”
“no; just put my pint of porter and bit of pudding on a tray; and i’ll carry it upstairs。”
“you’ll have some meat?”
“just a morsel; and a taste of cheese; that’s all。”
“and the sago?”
“never mind it at present: i shall be ing down before teatime: i’ll make it myself。”
the cook here turned to me; saying that mrs。 fairfax was waiting for me: so i departed。
i hardly heard mrs。 fairfax’s account of the curtain conflagration during dinner; so much was i occupied in puzzling my brains over the enigmatical character of grace poole; and still more in pondering the problem of her position at thornfield and questioning why she had not been given into custody that morning; or; at the very least; dismissed from her master’s service。 he had almost as much as declared his conviction of her criminality last night: what mysterious cause withheld him from accusing her? why had he enjoined me; too; to secrecy? it was strange: a bold; vindictive; and haughty gentleman seemed somehow in the power of one of the meanest of his dependants; so much in her power; that even when she lifted her hand against his life; he dared not openly charge her with the attempt; much less punish her for it。
had grace been young and handsome; i should have been tempted to think that tenderer feelings than prudence or fear influenced mr。 rochester in her behalf; but; hard…favoured and matronly as she was; the idea could not be admitted。 “yet;” i reflected; “she has been young once; her youth would be contemporary with her master’s: mrs。 fairfax told me once; she had lived here many years。 i don’t think she can ever have been pretty; but; for aught i know; she may possess originality and strength of character to pensate for the want of personal advantages。 mr。 rochester is an amateur of the decided and eccentric: grace is eccentric at least。 what if a former caprice (a freak very possible to a nature so sudden and headstrong as his) has delivered him into her power; and she now exercises over his actions a secret influence; the result of his own indiscretion; which he cannot shake off; and dare not disregard?” but; having reached this point of conjecture; mrs。 poole’s square; flat figure; and unely; dry; even coarse face; recurred so distinctly to my mind’s eye; that i thought; “no; impossible! my supposition cannot be correct。 yet;” suggested the secret voice which talks to us in our own hearts; “you are not beautiful either; and perhaps mr。 rochester approves you: at any rate; you have often felt as if he did; and last night—remember his words; remember his look; remember his voice!”
i well remembered all; language; glance; and tone seemed at the moment vividly renewed。 i was now in the schoolroom; adèle was drawing; i bent over her and directed her pencil。 she looked up with a sort of start。
“qu’ avez…vous; mademoiselle?” said she。 “vos doigts tremblent me la feuille; et vos joues sont rouges: mais; rouges me des cerises!”
“i am hot; adèle; with stooping!” she went on sketching; i went on thinking。
i hastened to drive from my mind the hateful notion i had been conceiving respecting grace poole; it disgusted me。 i pared myself with her; and found we were different。 bessie leaven had said i was quite a lady; and she spoke truth—i was a lady。 and now i looked much better than i did when bessie saw me; i had more colour and more flesh; more life; more vivacity; because i had brighter hopes and keener enjoyments。
“evening approaches;” said i; as i looked towards the window。 “i have never heard mr。 rochester’s voice or step in the house to…day; but surely i shall see him before night: i feared the meeting in the morning; now i desire it; because expectation has been so long baffled that it is grown impatient。”
when dusk actually closed; and when adèle left me to go and play in the nursery with sophie; i did most keenly desire it。 i listened for the bell to ring below; i listened for leah ing up with a message; i fancied sometimes i heard mr。 rochester’s own tread; and i turned to the door; expecting it to open and admit him。 the door remained shut; darkness only came in through the window。 still it was not late; he often sent for me at seven and eight o’clock; and it was yet but six。 surely i should not be wholly disappointed to… night; when i had so many things to say to him! i wanted again to introduce the subject of grace poole; and to hear what he would answer; i wanted to ask him plainly if he really believed it was she who had made last night’s hideous attempt; and if so; why he kept her wickedness a secret。 it little mattered whether my curiosity irritated him; i knew the pleasure of vexing and soothing him by turns; it was one i chiefly delighted in; and a sure instinct always prevented me from going too far; beyond the verge of provocation i never ventured; on the extreme brink i liked well to try my skill。 retaining every minute form of respect; every propriety of my station; i could still meet him in argument without fear or uneasy restraint; this suited both him and me。
a tread creaked on the stairs at last。 leah made her appearance; but it was only to intimate that tea was ready in mrs。 fairfax’s room。 thither i repaired; glad at least to go downstairs; for that brought me; i imagined; nearer to mr。 rochester’s presence。
“you must want your tea;” said the good lady; as i joined her; “you ate so little at dinner。 i am afraid;” she continued; “you are not well to…d