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re。 can i not get so much of my own will？ is not the thing feasible？ yes—yes—the end is not so difficult； if i had only a brain active enough to ferret out the means of attaining it。”
i sat up in bed by way of arousing this said brain： it was a chilly night； i covered my shoulders with a shawl； and then i proceeded to think again with all my might。
“what do i want？ a new place； in a new house； amongst new faces； under new circumstances： i want this because it is of no use wanting anything better。 how do people do to get a new place？ they apply to friends； i suppose： i have no friends。 there are many others who have no friends； who must look about for themselves and be their own helpers； and what is their resource？”
i could not tell： nothing answered me； i then ordered my brain to find a response； and quickly。 it worked and worked faster： i felt the pulses throb in my head and temples； but for nearly an hour it worked in chaos； and no result came of its efforts。 feverish with vain labour； i got up and took a turn in the room； undrew the curtain； noted a star or two； shivered with cold； and again crept to bed。
a kind fairy； in my absence； had surely dropped the required suggestion on my pillow； for as i lay down； it came quietly and naturally to my mind。—“those who want situations advertise； you must advertise in the—shire herald。”
“how？ i know nothing about advertising。”
replies rose smooth and prompt now：—
“you must enclose the advertisement and the money to pay for it under a cover directed to the editor of the herald； you must put it； the first opportunity you have； into the post at lowton； answers must be addressed to j。e。； at the post…office there； you can go and inquire in about a week after you send your letter； if any are e； and act accordingly。”
this scheme i went over twice； thrice； it was then digested in my mind； i had it in a clear practical form： i felt satisfied； and fell asleep。
with earliest day； i was up： i had my advertisement written； enclosed； and directed before the bell rang to rouse the school； it ran thus：—
“a young lady accustomed to tuition” （had i not been a teacher two years？） “is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private family where the children are under fourteen （i thought that as i was barely eighteen； it would not do to undertake the guidance of pupils nearer my own age）。 she is qualified to teach the usual branches of a good english education； together with french； drawing； and music” （in those days； reader； this now narrow catalogue of acplishments； would have been held tolerably prehensive）。 “address； j。e。； post…office； lowton；—shire。”
this document remained locked in my drawer all day： after tea； i asked leave of the new superintendent to go to lowton； in order to perform some small missions for myself and one or two of my fellow…teachers； permission was readily granted； i went。 it was a walk of two miles； and the evening was wet； but the days were still long； i visited a shop or two； slipped the letter into the post… office； and came back through heavy rain； with streaming garments； but with a relieved heart。
the succeeding week seemed long： it came to an end at last； however； like all sublunary things； and once more； towards the close of a pleasant autumn day； i found myself afoot on the road to lowton。 a picturesque track it was； by the way； lying along the side of the beck and through the sweetest curves of the dale： but that day i thought more of the letters； that might or might not be awaiting me at the little burgh whither i was bound； than of the charms of lea and water。
my ostensible errand on this occasion was to get measured for a pair of shoes； so i discharged that business first； and when it was done； i stepped across the clean and quiet little street from the shoemaker’s to the post…office： it was kept by an old dame； who wore horn spectacles on her nose； and black mittens on her hands。
“are there any letters for j。e。？” i asked。
she peered at me over her spectacles； and then she opened a drawer and fumbled among its contents for a long time； so long that my hopes began to falter。 at last； having held a document before her glasses for nearly five minutes； she presented it across the counter； acpanying the act by another inquisitive and mistrustful glance—it was for j。e。
“is there only one？” i demanded。
“there are no more；” said she； and i put it in my pocket and turned my face homeward： i could not open it then； rules obliged me to be back by eight； and it was already half…past seven。
various duties awaited me on my arrival。 i had to sit with the girls during their hour of study； then it was my turn to read prayers； to see them to bed： afterwards i supped with the other teachers。 even when we finally retired for the night； the inevitable miss gryce was still my panion： we had only a short end of candle in our candlestick； and i dreaded lest she should talk till it was all burnt out； fortunately； however； the heavy supper she had eaten produced a soporific effect： she was already snoring before i had finished undressing。 there still remained an inch of candle： i now took out my letter； the seal was an initial f。； i broke it； the contents were brief。
“if j。e。； who advertised in the—shire herald of last thursday； possesses the acquirements mentioned； and if she is in a position to give satisfactory references as to character and petency； a situation can be offered her where there is but one pupil； a little girl； under ten years of age； and where the salary is thirty pounds per annum。 j。e。 is requested to send references； name； address； and all particulars to the direction：—
“mrs。 fairfax； thornfield； near millcote；—shire。”
i examined the document long： the writing was old…fashioned and rather uncertain； like that of in elderly lady。 this circumstance was satisfactory： a private fear had haunted me； that in thus acting for myself； and by my own guidance； i ran the risk of getting into some scrape； and； above all things； i wished the result of my endeavours to be respectable； proper； en règle。 i now felt that an elderly lady was no bad ingredient in the business i had on hand