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Jane Eyre-第3章

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 took a little of the excitement out of me。

“don’t take them off;” i cried; “i will not stir。”

in guarantee whereof; i attached myself to my seat by my hands。

“mind you don’t;” said bessie; and when she had ascertained that i was really subsiding; she loosened her hold of me; then she and miss abbot stood with folded arms; looking darkly and doubtfully on my face; as incredulous of my sanity。

“she never did so before;” at last said bessie; turning to the abigail。

“but it was always in her;” was the reply。 “i’ve told missis often my opinion about the child; and missis agreed with me。 she’s an underhand little thing: i never saw a girl of her age with so much cover。”

bessie answered not; but ere long; addressing me; she said—“you ought to be aware; miss; that you are under obligations to mrs。 reed: she keeps you: if she were to turn you off; you would have to go to the poorhouse。”

i had nothing to say to these words: they were not new to me: my very first recollections of existence included hints of the same kind。 this reproach of my dependence had bee a vague sing…song in my ear: very painful and crushing; but only half intelligible。 miss abbot joined in—

“and you ought not to think yourself on an equality with the misses reed and master reed; because missis kindly allows you to be brought up with them。 they will have a great deal of money; and you will have none: it is your place to be humble; and to try to make yourself agreeable to them。”

“what we tell you is for your good;” added bessie; in no harsh voice; “you should try to be useful and pleasant; then; perhaps; you would have a home here; but if you bee passionate and rude; missis will send you away; i am sure。”

“besides;” said miss abbot; “god will punish her: he might strike her dead in the midst of her tantrums; and then where would she go? e; bessie; we will leave her: i wouldn’t have her heart for anything。 say your prayers; miss eyre; when you are by yourself; for if you don’t repent; something bad might be permitted to e down the chimney and fetch you away。”

they went; shutting the door; and locking it behind them。

the red…room was a square chamber; very seldom slept in; i might say never; indeed; unless when a chance influx of visitors at gateshead hall rendered it necessary to turn to account all the acmodation it contained: yet it was one of the largest and stateliest chambers in the mansion。 a bed supported on massive pillars of mahogany; hung with curtains of deep red damask; stood out like a tabernacle in the centre; the two large windows; with their blinds always drawn down; were half shrouded in festoons and falls of similar drapery; the carpet was red; the table at the foot of the bed was covered with a crimson cloth; the walls were a soft fawn colour with a blush of pink in it; the wardrobe; the toilet…table; the chairs were of darkly polished old mahogany。 out of these deep surrounding shades rose high; and glared white; the piled…up mattresses and pillows of the bed; spread with a snowy marseilles counterpane。 scarcely less prominent was an ample cushioned easy…chair near the head of the bed; also white; with a footstool before it; and looking; as i thought; like a pale throne。

this room was chill; because it seldom had a fire; it was silent; because remote from the nursery and kitchen; solemn; because it was known to be so seldom entered。 the house…maid alone came here on saturdays; to wipe from the mirrors and the furniture a week’s quiet dust: and mrs。 reed herself; at far intervals; visited it to review the contents of a certain secret drawer in the wardrobe; where were stored divers parchments; her jewel…casket; and a miniature of her deceased husband; and in those last words lies the secret of the red…room—the spell which kept it so lonely in spite of its grandeur。

mr。 reed had been dead nine years: it was in this chamber he breathed his last; here he lay in state; hence his coffin was borne by the undertaker’s men; and; since that day; a sense of dreary consecration had guarded it from frequent intrusion。

my seat; to which bessie and the bitter miss abbot had left me riveted; was a low ottoman near the marble chimney…piece; the bed rose before me; to my right hand there was the high; dark wardrobe; with subdued; broken reflections varying the gloss of its panels; to my left were the muffled windows; a great looking…glass between them repeated the vacant majesty of the bed and room。 i was not quite sure whether they had locked the door; and when i dared move; i got up and went to see。 alas! yes: no jail was ever more secure。 returning; i had to cross before the looking…glass; my fascinated glance involuntarily explored the depth it revealed。 all looked colder and darker in that visionary hollow than in reality: and the strange little figure there gazing at me; with a white face and arms specking the gloom; and glittering eyes of fear moving where all else was still; had the effect of a real spirit: i thought it like one of the tiny phantoms; half fairy; half imp; bessie’s evening stories represented as ing out of lone; ferny dells in moors; and appearing before the eyes of belated travellers。 i returned to my stool。

superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hour for plete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; i had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before i quailed to the dismal present。

all john reed’s violent tyrannies; all his sisters’ proud indifference; all his mother’s aversion; all the servants’ partiality; turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well。 why was i always suffering; always browbeaten; always accused; for ever condemned? why could i never please? why was it useless to try to win any one’s favour? eliza; who was headstrong and selfish; was respected。 georgiana; who had a spoiled temper; a very acrid spite; a captious and insolent carriage; was universally indulged。 her beauty; her pink cheeks and golden curls; seemed to give delight to all who looked at her; and to purchase indemnity for every fault。 john no one
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