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Jane Eyre-第19章

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oked out; it snowed fast; a drift was already forming against the lower panes; putting my ear close to the window; i could distinguish from the gleeful tumult within; the disconsolate moan of the wind outside。

probably; if i had lately left a good home and kind parents; this would have been the hour when i should most keenly have regretted the separation; that wind would then have saddened my heart; this obscure chaos would have disturbed my peace! as it was; i derived from both a strange excitement; and reckless and feverish; i wished the wind to howl more wildly; the gloom to deepen to darkness; and the confusion to rise to clamour。

jumping over forms; and creeping under tables; i made my way to one of the fire…places; there; kneeling by the high wire fender; i found burns; absorbed; silent; abstracted from all round her by the panionship of a book; which she read by the dim glare of the embers。

“is it still rasselas?” i asked; ing behind her。

“yes;” she said; “and i have just finished it。”

and in five minutes more she shut it up。 i was glad of this。 “now;” thought i; “i can perhaps get her to talk。” i sat down by her on the floor。

“what is your name besides burns?”

“helen。”

“do you e a long way from here?”

“i e from a place farther north; quite on the borders of scotland。”

“will you ever go back?”

“i hope so; but nobody can be sure of the future。”

“you must wish to leave lowood?”

“no! why should i? i was sent to lowood to get an education; and it would be of no use going away until i have attained that object。”

“but that teacher; miss scatcherd; is so cruel to you?”

“cruel? not at all! she is severe: she dislikes my faults。”

“and if i were in your place i should dislike her; i should resist her。 if she struck me with that rod; i should get it from her hand; i should break it under her nose。”

“probably you would do nothing of the sort: but if you did; mr。 brocklehurst would expel you from the school; that would be a great grief to your relations。 it is far better to endure patiently a smart which nobody feels but yourself; than to mit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you; and besides; the bible bids us return good for evil。”

“but then it seems disgraceful to be flogged; and to be sent to stand in the middle of a room full of people; and you are such a great girl: i am far younger than you; and i could not bear it。”

“yet it would be your duty to bear it; if you could not avoid it: it is weak and silly to say you cannot bear what it is your fate to be required to bear。”

i heard her with wonder: i could not prehend this doctrine of endurance; and still less could i understand or sympathise with the forbearance she expressed for her chastiser。 still i felt that helen burns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes。 i suspected she might be right and i wrong; but i would not ponder the matter deeply; like felix; i put it off to a more convenient season。

“you say you have faults; helen: what are they? to me you seem very good。”

“then learn from me; not to judge by appearances: i am; as miss scatcherd said; slatternly; i seldom put; and never keep; things; in order; i am careless; i forget rules; i read when i should learn my lessons; i have no method; and sometimes i say; like you; i cannot bear to be subjected to systematic arrangements。 this is all very provoking to miss scatcherd; who is naturally neat; punctual; and particular。”

“and cross and cruel;” i added; but helen burns would not admit my addition: she kept silence。

“is miss temple as severe to you as miss scatcherd?”

at the utterance of miss temple’s name; a soft smile flitted over her grave face。

“miss temple is full of goodness; it pains her to be severe to any one; even the worst in the school: she sees my errors; and tells me of them gently; and; if i do anything worthy of praise; she gives me my meed liberally。 one strong proof of my wretchedly defective nature is; that even her expostulations; so mild; so rational; have not influence to cure me of my faults; and even her praise; though i value it most highly; cannot stimulate me to continued care and foresight。”

“that is curious;” said i; “it is so easy to be careful。”

“for you i have no doubt it is。 i observed you in your class this morning; and saw you were closely attentive: your thoughts never seemed to wander while miss miller explained the lesson and questioned you。 now; mine continually rove away; when i should be listening to miss scatcherd; and collecting all she says with assiduity; often i lose the very sound of her voice; i fall into a sort of dream。 sometimes i think i am in northumberland; and that the noises i hear round me are the bubbling of a little brook which runs through deepden; near our house;—then; when it es to my turn to reply; i have to be awakened; and having heard nothing of what was read for listening to the visionary brook; i have no answer ready。”

“yet how well you replied this afternoon。”

“it was mere chance; the subject on which we had been reading had interested me。 this afternoon; instead of dreaming of deepden; i was wondering how a man who wished to do right could act so unjustly and unwisely as charles the first sometimes did; and i thought what a pity it was that; with his integrity and conscientiousness; he could see no farther than the prerogatives of the crown。 if he had but been able to look to a distance; and see how what they call the spirit of the age was tending! still; i like charles—i respect him—i pity him; poor murdered king! yes; his enemies were the worst: they shed blood they had no right to shed。 how dared they kill him!”

helen was talking to herself now: she had forgotten i could not very well understand her—that i was ignorant; or nearly so; of the subject she discussed。 i recalled her to my level。

“and when miss temple teaches you; do your thoughts wander then?”

“no; certainly; not often; because miss temple has generally something to say which is newer than my own reflections; her language is singularly agreeable to me; and the information she mu
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