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Jane Eyre-第143章

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summoning mary; i soon had the room in more cheerful order: i prepared him; likewise; a fortable repast。 my spirits were excited; and with pleasure and ease i talked to him during supper; and for a long time after。 there was no harassing restraint; no repressing of glee and vivacity with him; for with him i was at perfect ease; because i knew i suited him; all i said or did seemed either to console or revive him。 delightful consciousness! it brought to life and light my whole nature: in his presence i thoroughly lived; and he lived in mine。 blind as he was; smiles played over his face; joy dawned on his forehead: his lineaments softened and warmed。

after supper; he began to ask me many questions; of where i had been; what i had been doing; how i had found him out; but i gave him only very partial replies: it was too late to enter into particulars that night。 besides; i wished to touch no deep… thrilling chord—to open no fresh well of emotion in his heart: my sole present aim was to cheer him。 cheered; as i have said; he was: and yet but by fits。 if a moment’s silence broke the conversation; he would turn restless; touch me; then say; “jane。”

“you are altogether a human being; jane? you are certain of that?”

“i conscientiously believe so; mr。 rochester。”

“yet how; on this dark and doleful evening; could you so suddenly rise on my lone hearth? i stretched my hand to take a glass of water from a hireling; and it was given me by you: i asked a question; expecting john’s wife to answer me; and your voice spoke at my ear。”

“because i had e in; in mary’s stead; with the tray。”

“and there is enchantment in the very hour i am now spending with you。 who can tell what a dark; dreary; hopeless life i have dragged on for months past? doing nothing; expecting nothing; merging night in day; feeling but the sensation of cold when i let the fire go out; of hunger when i forgot to eat: and then a ceaseless sorrow; and; at times; a very delirium of desire to behold my jane again。 yes: for her restoration i longed; far more than for that of my lost sight。 how can it be that jane is with me; and says she loves me? will she not depart as suddenly as she came? to…morrow; i fear i shall find her no more。”

a monplace; practical reply; out of the train of his own disturbed ideas; was; i was sure; the best and most reassuring for him in this frame of mind。 i passed my finger over his eyebrows; and remarked that they were scorched; and that i would apply something which would make them grow as broad and black as ever。

“where is the use of doing me good in any way; beneficent spirit; when; at some fatal moment; you will again desert me—passing like a shadow; whither and how to me unknown; and for me remaining afterwards undiscoverable?

“have you a pocket…b about you; sir?”

“what for; jane?”

“just to b out this shaggy black mane。 i find you rather alarming; when i examine you close at hand: you talk of my being a fairy; but i am sure; you are more like a brownie。”

“am i hideous; jane?”

“very; sir: you always were; you know。”

“humph! the wickedness has not been taken out of you; wherever you have sojourned。”

“yet i have been with good people; far better than you: a hundred times better people; possessed of ideas and views you never entertained in your life: quite more refined and exalted。”

“who the deuce have you been with?”

“if you twist in that way you will make me pull the hair out of your head; and then i think you will cease to entertain doubts of my substantiality。”

“who have you been with; jane?”

“you shall not get it out of me to…night; sir; you must wait till to…morrow; to leave my tale half told; will; you know; be a sort of security that i shall appear at your breakfast table to finish it。 by the bye; i must mind not to rise on your hearth with only a glass of water then: i must bring an egg at the least; to say nothing of fried ham。”

“you mocking changeling—fairy…born and human…bred! you make me feel as i have not felt these twelve months。 if saul could have had you for his david; the evil spirit would have been exorcised without the aid of the harp。”

“there; sir; you are redd up and made decent。 now i’ll leave you: i have been travelling these last three days; and i believe i am tired。 good night。”

“just one word; jane: were there only ladies in the house where you have been?”

i laughed and made my escape; still laughing as i ran upstairs。 “a good idea!” i thought with glee。 “i see i have the means of fretting him out of his melancholy for some time to e。”

very early the next morning i heard him up and astir; wandering from one room to another。 as soon as mary came down i heard the question: “is miss eyre here?” then: “which room did you put her into? was it dry? is she up? go and ask if she wants anything; and when she will e down。”

i came down as soon as i thought there was a prospect of breakfast。 entering the room very softly; i had a view of him before he discovered my presence。 it was mournful; indeed; to witness the subjugation of that vigorous spirit to a corporeal infirmity。 he sat in his chair—still; but not at rest: expectant evidently; the lines of now habitual sadness marking his strong features。 his countenance reminded one of a lamp quenched; waiting to be re…lit— and alas! it was not himself that could now kindle the lustre of animated expression: he was dependent on another for that office! i had meant to be gay and careless; but the powerlessness of the strong man touched my heart to the quick: still i accosted him with what vivacity i could。

“it is a bright; sunny morning; sir;” i said。 “the rain is over and gone; and there is a tender shining after it: you shall have a walk soon。”

i had wakened the glow: his features beamed。

“oh; you are indeed there; my skylark! e to me。 you are not gone: not vanished? i heard one of your kind an hour ago; singing high over the wood: but its song had no music for me; any more than the rising sun had rays。 all the melody on earth is concentrated in my jane’s tongue to my ear (i am glad it is not naturally a silent one): all the sunshine i can f
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