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“my living darling! these are certainly her limbs; and these her features; but i cannot be so blest; after all my misery。 it is a dream; such dreams as i have had at night when i have clasped her once more to my heart; as i do now; and kissed her; as thus—and felt that she loved me; and trusted that she would not leave me。”
“which i never will; sir; from this day。”
“never will; says the vision? but i always woke and found it an empty mockery; and i was desolate and abandoned—my life dark; lonely; hopeless—my soul athirst and forbidden to drink—my heart famished and never to be fed。 gentle; soft dream; nestling in my arms now; you will fly; too; as your sisters have all fled before you: but kiss me before you go—embrace me; jane。”
“there; sir—and there!”’
i pressed my lips to his once brilliant and now rayless eyes—i swept his hair from his brow; and kissed that too。 he suddenly seemed to arouse himself: the conviction of the reality of all this seized him。
“it is you—is it; jane? you are e back to me then?”
“i am。”
“and you do not lie dead in some ditch under some stream? and you are not a pining outcast amongst strangers?”
“no; sir! i am an independent woman now。”
“independent! what do you mean; jane?”
“my uncle in madeira is dead; and he left me five thousand pounds。”
“ah! this is practical—this is real!” he cried: “i should never dream that。 besides; there is that peculiar voice of hers; so animating and piquant; as well as soft: it cheers my withered heart; it puts life into it。—what; janet! are you an independent woman? a rich woman?”
“if you won’t let me live with you; i can build a house of my own close up to your door; and you may e and sit in my parlour when you want pany of an evening。”
“but as you are rich; jane; you have now; no doubt; friends who will look after you; and not suffer you to devote yourself to a blind lameter like me?”
“i told you i am independent; sir; as well as rich: i am my own mistress。”
“and you will stay with me?”
“certainly—unless you object。 i will be your neighbour; your nurse; your housekeeper。 i find you lonely: i will be your panion—to read to you; to walk with you; to sit with you; to wait on you; to be eyes and hands to you。 cease to look so melancholy; my dear master; you shall not be left desolate; so long as i live。”
he replied not: he seemed serious—abstracted; he sighed; he half… opened his lips as if to speak: he closed them again。 i felt a little embarrassed。 perhaps i had too rashly over…leaped conventionalities; and he; like st。 john; saw impropriety in my inconsiderateness。 i had indeed made my proposal from the idea that he wished and would ask me to be his wife: an expectation; not the less certain because unexpressed; had buoyed me up; that he would claim me at once as his own。 but no hint to that effect escaping him and his countenance being more overcast; i suddenly remembered that i might have been all wrong; and was perhaps playing the fool unwittingly; and i began gently to withdraw myself from his arms—but he eagerly snatched me closer。
“no—no—jane; you must not go。 no—i have touched you; heard you; felt the fort of your presence—the sweetness of your consolation: i cannot give up these joys。 i have little left in myself—i must have you。 the world may laugh—may call me absurd; selfish—but it does not signify。 my very soul demands you: it will be satisfied; or it will take deadly vengeance on its frame。”
“well; sir; i will stay with you: i have said so。”
“yes—but you understand one thing by staying with me; and i understand another。 you; perhaps; could make up your mind to be about my hand and chair—to wait on me as a kind little nurse (for you have an affectionate heart and a generous spirit; which prompt you to make sacrifices for those you pity); and that ought to suffice for me no doubt。 i suppose i should now entertain none but fatherly feelings for you: do you think so? e—tell me。”
“i will think what you like; sir: i am content to be only your nurse; if you think it better。”
“but you cannot always be my nurse; janet: you are young—you must marry one day。”
“i don’t care about being married。”
“you should care; janet: if i were what i once was; i would try to make you care—but—a sightless block!”
he relapsed again into gloom。 i; on the contrary; became more cheerful; and took fresh courage: these last words gave me an insight as to where the difficulty lay; and as it was no difficulty with me; i felt quite relieved from my previous embarrassment。 i resumed a livelier vein of conversation。
“it is time some one undertook to rehumanise you;” said i; parting his thick and long uncut locks; “for i see you are being metamorphosed into a lion; or something of that sort。 you have a ‘faux air’ of nebuchadnezzar in the fields about you; that is certain: your hair reminds me of eagles’ feathers; whether your nails are grown like birds’ claws or not; i have not yet noticed。”
“on this arm; i have neither hand nor nails;” he said; drawing the mutilated limb from his breast; and showing it to me。 “it is a mere stump—a ghastly sight! don’t you think so; jane?”
“it is a pity to see it; and a pity to see your eyes—and the scar of fire on your forehead: and the worst of it is; one is in danger of loving you too well for all this; and making too much of you。”
“i thought you would be revolted; jane; when you saw my arm; and my cicatrised visage。”
“did you? don’t tell me so—lest i should say something disparaging to your judgment。 now; let me leave you an instant; to make a better fire; and have the hearth swept up。 can you tell when there is a good fire?”
“yes; with the right eye i see a glow—a ruddy haze。”
“and you see the candles?”
“very dimly—each is a luminous cloud。”
“can you see me?”
“no; my fairy: but i am only too thankful to hear and feel you。”
“when do you take supper?”
“i never take supper。”
“but you shall have some to…night。 i am hungry: so are you; i daresay; only you forget。”
summoning mary; i soon had the room in more cheerful order: i p