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Jane Eyre-第128章

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“i scorn your idea of love;” i could not help saying; as i rose up and stood before him; leaning my back against the rock。 “i scorn the counterfeit sentiment you offer: yes; st。 john; and i scorn you when you offer it。”

he looked at me fixedly; pressing his well…cut lips while he did so。 whether he was incensed or surprised; or what; it was not easy to tell: he could mand his countenance thoroughly。

“i scarcely expected to hear that expression from you;” he said: “i think i have done and uttered nothing to deserve scorn。”

i was touched by his gentle tone; and overawed by his high; calm mien。

“forgive me the words; st。 john; but it is your own fault that i have been roused to speak so unguardedly。 you have introduced a topic on which our natures are at variance—a topic we should never discuss: the very name of love is an apple of discord between us。 if the reality were required; what should we do? how should we feel? my dear cousin; abandon your scheme of marriage—forget it。”

“no;” said he; “it is a long…cherished scheme; and the only one which can secure my great end: but i shall urge you no further at present。 to…morrow; i leave home for cambridge: i have many friends there to whom i should wish to say farewell。 i shall be absent a fortnight—take that space of time to consider my offer: and do not forget that if you reject it; it is not me you deny; but god。 through my means; he opens to you a noble career; as my wife only can you enter upon it。 refuse to be my wife; and you limit yourself for ever to a track of selfish ease and barren obscurity。 tremble lest in that case you should be numbered with those who have denied the faith; and are worse than infidels!”

he had done。 turning from me; he once more

“looked to river; looked to hill。”

but this time his feelings were all pent in his heart: i was not worthy to hear them uttered。 as i walked by his side homeward; i read well in his iron silence all he felt towards me: the disappointment of an austere and despotic nature; which has met resistance where it expected submission—the disapprobation of a cool; inflexible judgment; which has detected in another feelings and views in which it has no power to sympathise: in short; as a man; he would have wished to coerce me into obedience: it was only as a sincere christian he bore so patiently with my perversity; and allowed so long a space for reflection and repentance。

that night; after he had kissed his sisters; he thought proper to forget even to shake hands with me; but left the room in silence。 i—who; though i had no love; had much friendship for him—was hurt by the marked omission: so much hurt that tears started to my eyes。

“i see you and st。 john have been quarrelling; jane;” said diana; “during your walk on the moor。 but go after him; he is now lingering in the passage expecting you—he will make it up。”

i have not much pride under such circumstances: i would always rather be happy than dignified; and i ran after him—he stood at the foot of the stairs。

“good…night; st。 john;” said i。

“good…night; jane;” he replied calmly。

“then shake hands;” i added。

what a cold; loose touch; he impressed on my fingers! he was deeply displeased by what had occurred that day; cordiality would not warm; nor tears move him。 no happy reconciliation was to be had with him—no cheering smile or generous word: but still the christian was patient and placid; and when i asked him if he forgave me; he answered that he was not in the habit of cherishing the remembrance of vexation; that he had nothing to forgive; not having been offended。

and with that answer he left me。 i would much rather he had knocked me down。

xs



Chapter 34

 生
when mr。 st。 john went; it was beginning to snow; the whirling storm continued all night。 the next day a keen wind brought fresh and blinding falls; by twilight the valley was drifted up and almost impassable。 i had closed my shutter; laid a mat to the door to prevent the snow from blowing in under it; trimmed my fire; and after sitting nearly an hour on the hearth listening to the muffled fury of the tempest; i lit a candle; took down “marmion;” and beginning—

“day set on norham’s castled steep;

and tweed’s fair river broad and deep;

and cheviot’s mountains lone;

the massive towers; the donjon keep;

the flanking walls that round them sweep;

in yellow lustre shone”—

i soon forgot storm in music。

i heard a noise: the wind; i thought; shook the door。 no; it was st。 john rivers; who; lifting the latch; came in out of the frozen hurricane—the howling darkness—and stood before me: the cloak that covered his tall figure all white as a glacier。 i was almost in consternation; so little had i expected any guest from the blocked…up vale that night。

“any ill news?” i demanded。 “has anything happened?”

“no。 how very easily alarmed you are?” he answered; removing his cloak and hanging it up against the door; towards which he again coolly pushed the mat which his entrance had deranged。 he stamped the snow from his boots。

“i shall sully the purity of your floor;” said he; “but you must excuse me for once。” then he approached the fire。 “i have had hard work to get here; i assure you;” he observed; as he warmed his hands over the flame。 “one drift took me up to the waist; happily the snow is quite soft yet。”

“but why are you e?” i could not forbear saying。

“rather an inhospitable question to put to a visitor; but since you ask it; i answer simply to have a little talk with you; i got tired of my mute books and empty rooms。 besides; since yesterday i have experienced the excitement of a person to whom a tale has been half… told; and who is impatient to hear the sequel。”

he sat down。 i recalled his singular conduct of yesterday; and really i began to fear his wits were touched。 if he were insane; however; his was a very cool and collected insanity: i had never seen that handsome…featured face of his look more like chiselled marble than it did just now; as he put aside his snow…wet hair from his forehead and let the firelight shine free on his pale brow and cheek as pale; where 
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