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m the meadow beyond it made me look up。 a dog—old carlo； mr。 rivers’ pointer； as i saw in a moment—was pushing the gate with his nose； and st。 john himself leant upon it with folded arms； his brow knit； his gaze； grave almost to displeasure； fixed on me。 i asked him to e in。
“no； i cannot stay； i have only brought you a little parcel my sisters left for you。 i think it contains a colour…box； pencils； and paper。”
i approached to take it： a wele gift it was。 he examined my face； i thought； with austerity； as i came near： the traces of tears were doubtless very visible upon it。
“have you found your first day’s work harder than you expected？” he asked。
“oh； no！ on the contrary； i think in time i shall get on with my scholars very well。”
“but perhaps your acmodations—your cottage—your furniture—have disappointed your expectations？ they are； in truth； scanty enough； but—” i interrupted—
“my cottage is clean and weather…proof； my furniture sufficient and modious。 all i see has made me thankful； not despondent。 i am not absolutely such a fool and sensualist as to regret the absence of a carpet； a sofa； and silver plate； besides； five weeks ago i had nothing—i was an outcast； a beggar； a vagrant； now i have acquaintance； a home； a business。 i wonder at the goodness of god； the generosity of my friends； the bounty of my lot。 i do not repine。”
“but you feel solitude an oppression？ the little house there behind you is dark and empty。”
“i have hardly had time yet to enjoy a sense of tranquillity； much less to grow impatient under one of loneliness。”
“very well； i hope you feel the content you express： at any rate； your good sense will tell you that it is too soon yet to yield to the vacillating fears of lot’s wife。 what you had left before i saw you； of course i do not know； but i counsel you to resist firmly every temptation which would incline you to look back： pursue your present career steadily； for some months at least。”
“it is what i mean to do；” i answered。 st。 john continued—
“it is hard work to control the workings of inclination and turn the bent of nature； but that it may be done； i know from experience。 god has given us； in a measure； the power to make our own fate； and when our energies seem to demand a sustenance they cannot get—when our will strains after a path we may not follow—we need neither starve from inanition； nor stand still in despair： we have but to seek another nourishment for the mind； as strong as the forbidden food it longed to taste—and perhaps purer； and to hew out for the adventurous foot a road as direct and broad as the one fortune has blocked up against us； if rougher than it。
“a year ago i was myself intensely miserable； because i thought i had made a mistake in entering the ministry： its uniform duties wearied me to death。 i burnt for the more active life of the world—for the more exciting toils of a literary career—for the destiny of an artist； author； orator； anything rather than that of a priest： yes； the heart of a politician； of a soldier； of a votary of glory； a lover of renown； a luster after power； beat under my curate’s surplice。 i considered； my life was so wretched； it must be changed； or i must die。 after a season of darkness and struggling； light broke and relief fell： my cramped existence all at once spread out to a plain without bounds—my powers heard a call from heaven to rise； gather their full strength； spread their wings； and mount beyond ken。 god had an errand for me； to bear which afar； to deliver it well； skill and strength； courage and eloquence； the best qualifications of soldier； statesman； and orator； were all needed： for these all centre in the good missionary。
“a missionary i resolved to be。 from that moment my state of mind changed； the fetters dissolved and dropped from every faculty； leaving nothing of bondage but its galling soreness—which time only can heal。 my father； indeed； imposed the determination； but since his death； i have not a legitimate obstacle to contend with； some affairs settled； a successor for morton provided； an entanglement or two of the feelings broken through or cut asunder—a last conflict with human weakness； in which i know i shall overe； because i have vowed that i will overe—and i leave europe for the east。”
he said this； in his peculiar； subdued； yet emphatic voice； looking； when he had ceased speaking； not at me； but at the setting sun； at which i looked too。 both he and i had our backs towards the path leading up the field to the wicket。 we had heard no step on that grass…grown track； the water running in the vale was the one lulling sound of the hour and scene； we might well then start when a gay voice； sweet as a silver bell； exclaimed—
“good evening； mr。 rivers。 and good evening； old carlo。 your dog is quicker to recognise his friends than you are； sir； he pricked his ears and wagged his tail when i was at the bottom of the field； and you have your back towards me now。”
it was true。 though mr。 rivers had started at the first of those musical accents； as if a thunderbolt had split a cloud over his head； he stood yet； at the close of the sentence； in the same attitude in which the speaker had surprised him—his arm resting on the gate； his face directed towards the west。 he turned at last； with measured deliberation。 a vision； as it seemed to me； had risen at his side。 there appeared； within three feet of him； a form clad in pure white—a youthful； graceful form： full； yet fine in contour； and when； after bending to caress carlo； it lifted up its head； and threw back a long veil； there bloomed under his glance a face of perfect beauty。 perfect beauty is a strong expression； but i do not retrace or qualify it： as sweet features as ever the temperate clime of albion moulded； as pure hues of rose and lily as ever her humid gales and vapoury skies generated and screened； justified； in this instance； the term。 no charm was wanting； no defect was perceptible； the young girl had regular and delicate lineaments； eyes shaped and coloured as we see them in lovely pictures； large； and dark； and full； the long and shadowy eyelash which encircles a fine eye wit