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“mortally: after all; it’s tough work fagging away at a language with no master but a lexicon。”
“it is; especially such a language as this crabbed but glorious deutsch。 i wonder when st。 john will e home。”
“surely he will not be long now: it is just ten (looking at a little gold watch she drew from her girdle)。 it rains fast; hannah: will you have the goodness to look at the fire in the parlour?”
the woman rose: she opened a door; through which i dimly saw a passage: soon i heard her stir a fire in an inner room; she presently came back。
“ah; childer!” said she; “it fair troubles me to go into yond’ room now: it looks so lonesome wi’ the chair empty and set back in a corner。”
she wiped her eyes with her apron: the two girls; grave before; looked sad now。
“but he is in a better place;” continued hannah: “we shouldn’t wish him here again。 and then; nobody need to have a quieter death nor he had。”
“you say he never mentioned us?” inquired one of the ladies。
“he hadn’t time; bairn: he was gone in a minute; was your father。 he had been a bit ailing like the day before; but naught to signify; and when mr。 st。 john asked if he would like either o’ ye to be sent for; he fair laughed at him。 he began again with a bit of a heaviness in his head the next day—that is; a fortnight sin’—and he went to sleep and niver wakened: he wor a’most stark when your brother went into t’ chamber and fand him。 ah; childer! that’s t’ last o’ t’ old stock—for ye and mr。 st。 john is like of different soart to them ‘at’s gone; for all your mother wor mich i’ your way; and a’most as book…learned。 she wor the pictur’ o’ ye; mary: diana is more like your father。”
i thought them so similar i could not tell where the old servant (for such i now concluded her to be) saw the difference。 both were fair plexioned and slenderly made; both possessed faces full of distinction and intelligence。 one; to be sure; had hair a shade darker than the other; and there was a difference in their style of wearing it; mary’s pale brown locks were parted and braided smooth: diana’s duskier tresses covered her neck with thick curls。 the clock struck ten。
“ye’ll want your supper; i am sure;” observed hannah; “and so will mr。 st。 john when he es in。”
and she proceeded to prepare the meal。 the ladies rose; they seemed about to withdraw to the parlour。 till this moment; i had been so intent on watching them; their appearance and conversation had excited in me so keen an interest; i had half…forgotten my own wretched position: now it recurred to me。 more desolate; more desperate than ever; it seemed from contrast。 and how impossible did it appear to touch the inmates of this house with concern on my behalf; to make them believe in the truth of my wants and woes—to induce them to vouchsafe a rest for my wanderings! as i groped out the door; and knocked at it hesitatingly; i felt that last idea to be a mere chimera。 hannah opened。
“what do you want?” she inquired; in a voice of surprise; as she surveyed me by the light of the candle she held。
“may i speak to your mistresses?” i said。
“you had better tell me what you have to say to them。 where do you e from?”
“i am a stranger。”
“what is your business here at this hour?”
“i want a night’s shelter in an out…house or anywhere; and a morsel of bread to eat。”
distrust; the very feeling i dreaded; appeared in hannah’s face。 “i’ll give you a piece of bread;” she said; after a pause; “but we can’t take in a vagrant to lodge。 it isn’t likely。”
“do let me speak to your mistresses。”
“no; not i。 what can they do for you? you should not be roving about now; it looks very ill。”
“but where shall i go if you drive me away? what shall i do?”
“oh; i’ll warrant you know where to go and what to do。 mind you don’t do wrong; that’s all。 here is a penny; now go—”
“a penny cannot feed me; and i have no strength to go farther。 don’t shut the door:… oh; don’t; for god’s sake!”
“i must; the rain is driving in—”
“tell the young ladies。 let me see them… ”
“indeed; i will not。 you are not what you ought to be; or you wouldn’t make such a noise。 move off。”
“but i must die if i am turned away。”
“not you。 i’m fear’d you have some ill plans agate; that bring you about folk’s houses at this time o’ night。 if you’ve any followers—housebreakers or such like—anywhere near; you may tell them we are not by ourselves in the house; we have a gentleman; and dogs; and guns。” here the honest but inflexible servant clapped the door to and bolted it within。
this was the climax。 a pang of exquisite suffering—a throe of true despair—rent and heaved my heart。 worn out; indeed; i was; not another step could i stir。 i sank on the wet doorstep: i groaned— i wrung my hands—i wept in utter anguish。 oh; this spectre of death! oh; this last hour; approaching in such horror! alas; this isolation—this banishment from my kind! not only the anchor of hope; but the footing of fortitude was gone—at least for a moment; but the last i soon endeavoured to regain。
“i can but die;” i said; “and i believe in god。 let me try to wait his will in silence。”
these words i not only thought; but uttered; and thrusting back all my misery into my heart; i made an effort to pel it to remain there—dumb and still。
“all men must die;” said a voice quite close at hand; “but all are not condemned to meet a lingering and premature doom; such as yours would be if you perished here of want。”
“who or what speaks?” i asked; terrified at the unexpected sound; and incapable now of deriving from any occurrence a hope of aid。 a form was near—what form; the pitch…dark night and my enfeebled vision prevented me from distinguishing。 with a loud long knock; the new…er appealed to the door。
“is it you; mr。 st。 john?” cried hannah。
“yes—yes; open quickly。”
“well; how wet and cold you must be; such a wild night as it is! e in—your sisters are quite uneasy about you; and i believe there are bad folks about。 there has been a beggar…woman—i declare she is not gone yet!—laid down there。 get up! for shame!