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ispute; no defiance or challenge; no tears; no sobs: a few words had been spoken; a calmly pronounced objection to the marriage made; some stern; short questions put by mr。 rochester; answers; explanations given; evidence adduced; an open admission of the truth had been uttered by my master; then the living proof had been seen; the intruders were gone; and all was over。
i was in my own room as usual—just myself; without obvious change: nothing had smitten me; or scathed me; or maimed me。 and yet where was the jane eyre of yesterday?—where was her life?—where were her prospects?
jane eyre; who had been an ardent; expectant woman—almost a bride; was a cold; solitary girl again: her life was pale; her prospects were desolate。 a christmas frost had e at midsummer; a white december storm had whirled over june; ice glazed the ripe apples; drifts crushed the blowing roses; on hayfield and cornfield lay a frozen shroud: lanes which last night blushed full of flowers; to… day were pathless with untrodden snow; and the woods; which twelve hours since waved leafy and flagrant as groves between the tropics; now spread; waste; wild; and white as pine…forests in wintry norway。 my hopes were all dead—struck with a subtle doom; such as; in one night; fell on all the first…born in the land of egypt。 i looked on my cherished wishes; yesterday so blooming and glowing; they lay stark; chill; livid corpses that could never revive。 i looked at my love: that feeling which was my master’s—which he had created; it shivered in my heart; like a suffering child in a cold cradle; sickness and anguish had seized it; it could not seek mr。 rochester’s arms—it could not derive warmth from his breast。 oh; never more could it turn to him; for faith was blighted—confidence destroyed! mr。 rochester was not to me what he had been; for he was not what i had thought him。 i would not ascribe vice to him; i would not say he had betrayed me; but the attribute of stainless truth was gone from his idea; and from his presence i must go: that i perceived well。 when—how—whither; i could not yet discern; but he himself; i doubted not; would hurry me from thornfield。 real affection; it seemed; he could not have for me; it had been only fitful passion: that was balked; he would want me no more。 i should fear even to cross his path now: my view must be hateful to him。 oh; how blind had been my eyes! how weak my conduct!
my eyes were covered and closed: eddying darkness seemed to swim round me; and reflection came in as black and confused a flow。 self…abandoned; relaxed; and effortless; i seemed to have laid me down in the dried…up bed of a great river; i heard a flood loosened in remote mountains; and felt the torrent e: to rise i had no will; to flee i had no strength。 i lay faint; longing to be dead。 one idea only still throbbed life…like within me—a remembrance of god: it begot an unuttered prayer: these words went wandering up and down in my rayless mind; as something that should be whispered; but no energy was found to express them—
“be not far from me; for trouble is near: there is none to help。”
it was near: and as i had lifted no petition to heaven to avert it—as i had neither joined my hands; nor bent my knees; nor moved my lips—it came: in full heavy swing the torrent poured over me。 the whole consciousness of my life lorn; my love lost; my hope quenched; my faith death…struck; swayed full and mighty above me in one sullen mass。 that bitter hour cannot be described: in truth; “the waters came into my soul; i sank in deep mire: i felt no standing; i came into deep waters; the floods overflowed me。”
。。
Chapter 28
(小//说;网/
two days are passed。 it is a summer evening; the coachman has set me down at a place called whitcross; he could take me no farther for the sum i had given; and i was not possessed of another shilling in the world。 the coach is a mile off by this time; i am alone。 at this moment i discover that i forgot to take my parcel out of the pocket of the coach; where i had placed it for safety; there it remains; there it must remain; and now; i am absolutely destitute。
whitcross is no town; nor even a hamlet; it is but a stone pillar set up where four roads meet: whitewashed; i suppose; to be more obvious at a distance and in darkness。 four arms spring from its summit: the nearest town to which these point is; according to the inscription; distant ten miles; the farthest; above twenty。 from the well…known names of these towns i learn in what county i have lighted; a north…midland shire; dusk with moorland; ridged with mountain: this i see。 there are great moors behind and on each hand of me; there are waves of mountains far beyond that deep valley at my feet。 the population here must be thin; and i see no passengers on these roads: they stretch out east; west; north; and south—white; broad; lonely; they are all cut in the moor; and the heather grows deep and wild to their very verge。 yet a chance traveller might pass by; and i wish no eye to see me now: strangers would wonder what i am doing; lingering here at the sign…post; evidently objectless and lost。 i might be questioned: i could give no answer but what would sound incredible and excite suspicion。 not a tie holds me to human society at this moment—not a charm or hope calls me where my fellow…creatures are—none that saw me would have a kind thought or a good wish for me。 i have no relative but the universal mother; nature: i will seek her breast and ask repose。
i struck straight into the heath; i held on to a hollow i saw deeply furrowing the brown moorside; i waded knee…deep in its dark growth; i turned with its turnings; and finding a moss…blackened granite crag in a hidden angle; i sat down under it。 high banks of moor were about me; the crag protected my head: the sky was over that。
some time passed before i felt tranquil even here: i had a vague dread that wild cattle might be near; or that some sportsman or poacher might discover me。 if a gust of wind swept the waste; i looked up; fearing it was the rush of a bull; if a plover whistled; i imagined it a man。 finding my apprehensions unfounded; however; and calmed by the deep silence that r