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t possible？ i wondered。 miss winter； in her seventies； was dying。 but that didn’t necessarily mean a person older than her would be dead。 what were the chances？
there was only one thing to do。
i added another note to the card and underlined it。
x
FIND HER。
；
was it because i had decided to look for hester that i saw her that night in a dream？
a plain figure in a neatly belted dressing gown； on the galleried landing； shaking her head and pursing her lips at the fire…stained walls； the jagged； broken floorboards and the ivy winding its way up the stone staircase。 in the middle of all this chaos； how lucid everything was close to her。 how soothing。 i approached； drawn to her like a moth。 but when i entered her magic circle； nothing happened。 i was still in darkness。 hester’s quick eyes darted here and there； taking in everything； and came to rest on a figure standing behind my back。 my twin； or so i understood in the dream。 but when her eyes passed over me it was without seeing。
i woke； a familiar hot chill in my side； and reexamined the images from my dream to understand the source of my terror。 there was nothing frightening in hester herself。 nothing unnerving in the smooth passage of her eyes over and through my face。 it was not what i saw in the dream but what i was that had me trembling in my bed。 if hester did not see me； then it must be because i was a ghost。 and if i was a ghost； then i was dead。 how could it be otherwise？
i rose and went into the bathroom to rinse my fear away。 avoiding the mirror； i looked instead at my hands in the water； but the sight filled me with horror。 at the same time as they existed here； i knew they existed on the other side； too； where they were dead。 and the eyes that saw them； my eyes； were dead in that other place； too。 and my mind； which was thinking these thoughts… was it not also dead？ a profound horror took hold of me。 what kind of an unnatural creature was i？ what abomination of nature is it that divides a person between two bodies before birth； and then kills one of them？ and what am i that is left？ half…dead； exiled in the world of the living by day； while at night； my soul cleaves to its twin in a shadowy limbo。
i lit an early fire； made cocoa； then wrapped myself in dressing gown and blankets to write a letter to my father。 how was the shop； and how was mother； and how was he； and how； i wondered； would one go about finding someone？ did private detectives exist in reality or only in books？ i told him what little i knew about hester。 could a search be set in motion with so little information to go on？ would a private detective take on a job like the one i had in mind？ if not； who might？
i reread the letter。 brisk and sensible； it betrayed nothing of my fear。 dawn was breaking。 the trembling had stopped。 soon judith would be here with breakfast。
。。
THE EYE IN THE YEW
｛小｝｛说｝｛网｝
there was nothing the new governess couldn’t do if she put her mind to it。
that’s how it seemed at first； anyway。
but after a time difficulties did begin to emerge。 the first thing was her argument with the missus。 hester； having tidied and cleaned rooms and left them locked behind her； was put out to discover them unlocked again。 she called the missus to her。 “what need is there；” she asked； “for rooms to be left open when they are not in use？ you can see what happens： the girls go in as they please and make chaos where there was order before。 it makes unnecessary work for you and for me。”
the missus seemed entirely to concur； and hester left the interview quite satisfied。 but a week later； once again； she found doors open that should have been locked； and with a frown called the missus once again。 this time she would accept no vague promises but was determined to get to the heart of the matter。
‘it’s the air；“ explained the missus。 ”without the air moving about； a house gets dreadful damp。“
hester gave the missus a succinct lecture in simple terms about air circulation and damp and sent her away； certain that this time she had solved the difficulty。
a week later she noticed again that doors were unlocked。 this time she did not call the missus。 instead she reflected。 there was more to this problem of door…locking than met the eye。 she resolved that she would study the missus； discover by observation what lay behind the unlocking of doors。
the second problem involved john…the…dig。 his suspicion of her had not escaped her notice； but she was not put off。 she was a stranger in the house； and it was up to her to demonstrate that she was there for the good of all and not to cause trouble。 in time； she knew； she would win him over。 yet though he seemed to get used to her presence； his suspicion was unexpectedly slow to fade。 and then one day suspicion flared into something else。 she had approached him over something quite banal。 in our garden she had seen； or so she maintained； a child from the village who should have been at school。 “who is the child？” she wanted to know； “who are his parents？”
‘nothing to do with me；“ john told her； with a surliness that took her aback。
‘i don’t say it is；“ she responded calmly； ”but the child should be in school。 i’m sure you’ll agree with me on that。 if you will just tell me who it is； then i will speak to the parents and the schoolmistress about it。“
john…the…dig shrugged his shoulders and made to leave； but she was not a woman who would be put off in this manner。 she darted around him； stood in front of him and repeated her demand。 why should she not？ it was an entirely reasonable one and she was making it in a civil fashion。 whatever reason would the man have to refuse？
but refuse he did。 “children from the village do not e up here” was his only response。
‘this one did；“ she went on。
‘they stay away out of fear。“
‘that’s ridiculous。 whatever do they have to be afraid of here？ the child was in a wide…brimmed hat and a man’s trousers cut down to fit。 his appearance was quite distinctive。 you must know who he is。“
“i have seen no such child；” came the answer； dismissively； and once again john made to leave。
hester was nothing if not