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scarcely recognizable。 a spontaneous smile； laughter in her eyes； warmth in her gaze as she looks at my father。 she looks happy。
tragedy alters everything。
i was born； and the woman in the wedding photo disappeared。
i looked out into the dead garden。 against the fading light； my shadow hovered in the glass； looking into the dead room。 what did she make of us？ i wondered。 what did she think of our attempts to persuade ourselves that this was life and that we were really living it？
arrivali left home on an ordinary winter day； and for miles my train ran 。 under a gauzy white sky。 then i changed trains； and the clouds assed。 they grew thicker and darker； more and more bloated； as i traveled north。 at any moment i expected to hear the first scattering of ？ops on the windowpane。 yet the rain did not e。
at harrogate； miss winter’s driver； a dark…haired； bearded man； as disinclined to talk。 i was glad； for his lack of conversation left me free to study the unfamiliar views that unfolded as soon as we left the town behind。 i had never been north before。 my researches had taken e to london and； once or twice； across the channel to libraries and chives in paris。 yorkshire was a county i knew only from novels； and novels from another century at that。 once we left the town behind； there were few signs of the contemporary world； and it was possible to believe i was traveling into the past at the same time as into the countryside。 the villages were quaint； with their churches and pubs and stone cottages； then； the farther we went； the smaller the villages became and the greater the distance between them until isolated farmhouses were the only interruptions to the naked winter fields。 at last we left even the farmhouses behind and it grew dark。 the car’s headlamps showed me swathes of a colorless； undefined landscape： no fences； no walls； no hedges； no buildings。 just a vergeless road and each side of it； vague undulations of darkness。
‘is this the moors？“ i asked。
‘it is；“ the driver said； and i leaned closer to the window； but all i could make out was the waterlogged sky that pressed down claustrophobically on the land； on the road； on the car。 beyond a certain distance even the light from our headlamps was extinguished。
at an unmarked junction we turned off the road and bumped along for a couple of miles on a stony track。 we stopped twice for the driver to open a gate and close it behind us； then on we went； jolting and shaking for another mile。
miss winter’s house lay between two slow rises in die darkness； almost…hills that seemed to merge into each other and that revealed the presence of a valley and a house only at the last turn of the drive。 the sky by now was blooming shades of purple； indigo and gunpowder； and the house beneath it crouched long and low and very dark。 the driver opened the car door for me； and i stepped out to see that he had already unloaded my case and was ready to pull away； leaving me alone in front of an unlit porch。 barred shutters blacked out the windows and there was not a single sign of human habitation。 closed in upon itself； the place seemed to shun visitors。
i rang the bell。 its clang was oddly muted in the damp air。 while i waited i watched the sky。 cold crept through the soles of my shoes； and i rang the bell again。 still no one came to the door。
about to ring for a third time； i was caught by surprise when with no sound at all the door was opened。
the woman in the doorway smiled professionally and apologized for keeping me waiting。 at first sight she seemed very ordinary。 her short； neat hair was the same palish shade as her skin； and her eyes were neither blue nor gray nor green。 yet it was less the absence of color than a lack of expression that made her plain。 with some warmth of emotion in them； her eyes could； i suspected； have gleamed with life； and it seemed to me； as she matched my scrutiny lance for glance； that she maintained her inexpressivity only by deliberate effort。
‘good evening；“ i said。 ”i am margaret lea。“
‘the biographer。 we’ve been expecting you。“
what is it that allows human beings to see through each other’s pretendings？ for i understood quite clearly in that moment that she was anxious。 perhaps emotions have a smell or a taste； perhaps we transmit em unknowingly by vibrations in the air。 whatever the means； i knew just as surely that it was nothing about me in particular that alarmed her； it only the fact that i had e and was a stranger。
she ushered me in and closed the door behind me。 the key turned the lock without a sound and there was not a squeak as the well…oiled bolts were slid noiselessly into place。
standing there in my coat in the hallway； i experienced for the first time the most profound oddity of the place。 miss winter’s house was entirely silent。
the woman told me her name was judith； and that she was the housekeeper。 she asked about my journey and mentioned the hours of meals and the best times to get hot water。 her mouth opened and closed； as soon as her words fell from her lips they were smothered by the blanket of silence that descended and extinguished them。 the same silence swallowed our footfalls； and muffled the opening and closing of ors as she showed me； one after another； the dining room； the drawing room； the music room。
there was no magic behind the silence—it was the soft…furnishings it did it。 overstuffed sofas were piled with velvet cushions； there ：re upholstered footstools； chaise lounges and armchairs； tapestries hung on the walls and were used as throws over upholstered furniture； every floor was carpeted； every carpet overlaid with rugs。 the damask it draped the windows also baffled the walls。 just as blotting paper absorbs ink； so all this wool and velvet absorbed sound； with one difference： where blotting paper takes up only excess ink； the fabric of the house seemed to suck in the very essence of the words we spoke。
i followed the housekeeper。 we turned left and right； and right and left； went up and down stairs until i was thoroughly confused。 i quickly lost all sense of how the convoluted interior of the house corresponded with its outer plainness。 the house had