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〃gump；〃 coach say after i am finished； 〃you sure got a way with words。〃
now nex year wadn'；t too eventful； cept somebody put out the word that a idiot got hissef on
the all state football team an a bunch of letters start in in from all round the country。 mama
collect them all and start keepin a scrapbook。 one day a package e from new yawk city that
contain a official baseball signed by the entire new yawk yankees baseball team。 it was the best
thing ever happen to me！ i treasure that ball like a goldbrick； till one day when i was tossin it
aroun in the yard； a big ole dog e up an grap it outta the air an chewed it up。 things like that
always happenin to me。
one day coach fellers call me in an take me into the principal'；s office。 they was a man
there from up to the university who shook my han an axe me whether i ever thought bout playin
football in college。 he say they been 〃watchin〃 me。 i shook my head； cause i hadn'；t。
everbody seemed to be in awe of this man； bowin an scrapin an callin him 〃mister bryant。〃
but he say for me to call him 〃bear；〃 which i thought was a funny name； cept he do look similar
to a bear in some respects。 coach fellers point out that i am not the brightest person； but the bear；
he say that is plenty true of most of his players； an that he figgers to get me special hep in my
studies。 a week later they give me a test with all sorts of screwy questions the like of which i am
not familiar with。 after a wile i get bored and stop takin the test。
two days afterward； the bear e back again and i get hauled into the principal'；s office by
coach fellers。 bear lookin distressed； but he still bein nice； he axe me have i done tried my best
on that test。 i nod my head； but the principal be rollin his eyes； an the bear say； 〃well； this is
unfortunate then； cause the score appears to indicate that this boy is a idiot。〃
the principal be noddin his head now； an coach fellers is standin there with his hands in his
pockets lookin sour。 it seem to be the end of my college football prospects。
the fact that i were too dumb to play college football did not seem to impress the united
states army none。 it were my last year at highschool an in the springtime everbody else
graduated。 they let me set up on the stage tho； an even give me a black robe to put on； an when it
e time； the principal announce they was gonna give me a 〃special〃 diploma。 i got up to go to
the microphone an the two goons stan up an go with me— i spose so'；s i don'；t make no remarks
like i did at the all state football thing。 my mama is down in the front row cryin and wringin her
hans an i really feel good； like i actually done acplish somethin。
but when we git back home； i finally realize why she bawlin an carryin on— they was a
letter e from the army say i got to report to the local daft board or somesuch。 i didn'；t know
what the deal was； but my mama did— it was 1968 an they was all sorts of shit fixin to hoppen。
mama give me a letter from the school principal to han to the daft…board people； but
somehow i lost it on the way there。 it was a loony scene。 they was a big colored guy in a army
suit yellin at people an dividin them up into bunches。 we was all standin there and he e up an
shout； 〃all right； i want half of you to go over there an half of you to go over here； an the other
half of you to stay put！〃 everbody millin aroun an lookin bewildered an even i could figger out
this guy'；s a moron。
they took me in a room and line us up an tell us to remove our clothes。 i ain'；t much for that；
but everbody else done it an so i did too。 they lookin at us everplace— eyes； noses； mouths；
ears— even our private parts。 at one point they tell me； 〃bend over；〃 an when i do； somebody jam
his finger up my ass。
that'；s it！
i turn an grapped that bastid an knock him upside the head。 they was suddenly a big
motion an a bunch of people run up an jump on top of me。 however； i am used to that
treatment。 i thowed them off an run out the door。 when i get home an tell my mama what happen；
she all upset； but she say； 〃don'；t worry； forrest— everthin gonna be okay。〃
it ain'；t。 next week； a van pull up at our house and a number of men in army suits an shiny
black helmets e up to the door be axin for me。 i'；m hidin up in my room； but mama e up
an say they jus wanta give me a ride back down to the daft board。 all the way there； they be
watchin me real close； like i'；m some kinda maniac。
they was a door that lead to a big office where there'；s a older man all dressed up in a shiny
uniform an he eyein me pretty careful too。 they set me down an shove another test in front of me；
an wile it'；s one hell of a lot easier than the college football test； it still ain'；t no piece of cake。
when i'；m done； they take me to another room where they'；s four or five guys settin at a long
table what start axin me questions an passin around what looked like the test i took。 then they all
git into a huddle and when they finish one of em sign a paper an han it to me。 when i take it
home； mama read it an begin pullin at her hair an weepin an praisin the lord； cause it say i am
〃temporarily deferred；〃 on account of i am a numbnuts。
somethin else occurred durin that week that was a major event in my life。 there was this
lady boarder livin with us that worked down to the telephone pany as a operator。 miss french
was her name。 she was a real nice lady； what kep mostly to hersef； but one night when it was
terribily hot； an they was thunderstorms； she stuck her head out the door to her room as i was
walkin by an say； 〃forrest； i just got a box of nice divinity this afternoon— would you like a
piece？〃
an i say 〃yes；〃 an she bring me into her room an there on the dresser is the divinity。 she
give me a piece of it； then she axe if i want another； an she points for me to set down on the bed。 i
must of ate ten or fifteen pieces of the divinity an lightnin was flashi