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anged my mind。 Yes。 She scowled。 I didn t mean to I I feel horrible for toying with your expectations； Tanya。 wasn t thinking。 It s just that I left in quite a hurry。 I don t suppose you d tell me why ？ I sat up and wrapped my arms around my legs； curling defensively。 to talk about it。 I don t want Tanya； Irina and Kate were very good at this life they d mitted to。 Better； in some ways； than even Carlisle。 Despite the insanely close proximity they allowed themselves with those who should be and once were their prey； they did not make mistakes。 I was too ashamed to admit my weakness to Tanya。 Woman troubles？ she guessed； ignoring my reluctance。 I laughed a bleak laugh。 Not the way you mean it。 She was quiet then。 I listened to her thoughts as she ran through different guesses； tried to decipher the meaning of my words。 You re not even close； I told her。 One hint？ she asked。 Please let it go； Tanya。 She was quiet again； still speculating。 appreciate the stars。 I ignored her； trying in vain to She gave up after a silent moment； and her thoughts pursued a new direction。 Where will you go； Edward； if you leave？ I don t think so； I whispered。 Where would I go？ I could not think of one place on the entire pla that held any interest for me。 There was nothing I wanted to see or do。 Because； no matter where I went； I would not be going to anywhere I would only be running from。 I hated that。 When had I bee such a coward？ Back to Carlisle？ Tanya threw her slender arm around my shoulders。 I stiffened； but did not flinch out from under her touch。 She meant it as nothing more than friendly fort。 Mostly。 I think that you will go back； she said； her voice taking on just a hint of her long lost Russian accent。 No matter what it is or who it is。。。that is haunting you。 You ll face it head on。 You re the type。 Her thoughts were as certain as her words。 I tried to embrace the vision of myself that she carried in her head。 The one who faced things head on。 It was
pleasant to think of myself that way again。 I d never doubted my courage； my ability to face difficulty； before that horrible hour in a high school biology class such a short time ago。 I kissed her cheek； pulling back swiftly when she twisted her face toward mine； her lips already puckered。 She smiled ruefully at my quickness。 Thank you； Tanya。 I needed to hear that。 Her thoughts turned petulant。 You re wele； I guess。 I wish you would be more reasonable about things； Edward。 I m sorry； Tanya。 You know you re too good for me。 I just haven t found what I m looking for yet。 Well； if you leave before I see you again goodbye； Edward。 Goodbye； Tanya。 As I said the words； I could see it。 I could see myself leaving。 Being strong enough to go back to the one place where I wanted to be。 Thanks again。 She was on her feet in one nimble move； and then she was running away； ghosting across the snow so quickly that her feet had no time to sink into the snow； she left no prints behind her。 She didn t look back。 My rejection bothered her more than she d let on before； even in her thoughts。 She wouldn t want to see me again before I left。 My mouth twisted with chagrin。 I didn t like hurting Tanya； though her feelings were not deep； hardly pure； and； in any case； not something I could return。 It still made me feel less than a gentleman。 I put my chin on my knees and stared up at the stars again； though I was suddenly anxious to be on my way。 I knew that Alice would see me ing home； that she would tell the others。 This would make them happy Carlisle and Esme especially。 But I gazed at the stars for one more moment； trying to see past the face in my head。 Between me and the brilliant lights in the sky； a pair of bewildered chocolatebrown eyes stared back at me； seeming to ask what this decision would mean for her。 Of course； I couldn t be sure if that was really the information her curious eyes sought。 Even in my imagination； I couldn t hear her thoughts。 Bella Swan s eyes continued to question； and an unobstructed view of the stars continued to elude me。 With a heavy sigh； I gave up； and got to my feet。 If I ran； I would be back to Carlisle s car in less than an hour In a hurry to see my family and wanting very much to be the Edward that faced things head on I raced across the starlit snowfield； leaving no footprints。 It s going to be okay； Alice breathed。 Her eyes were unfocused； and Jasper had one hand lightly under her elbow； guiding her forward as we walked into the rundown cafeteria in a close group。 Rosalie and Emmett led the way； Emmett looking ridiculously like a bodyguard in the middle of hostile territory。 Rose looked wary； too； but much more irritated than protective。 Of course it is； I grumbled。 Their behavior was ludicrous。 If I wasn t positive that I could handle this moment； I would have stayed home。 The sudden shift from our normal； even playful morning it had snowed in the night； and Emmett and Jasper were not above taking advantage of my distraction to bombard me with slushballs； when they got bored with my lack of response； they d turned on each other to this overdone vigilance would have been ical if it weren t so
irritating。 She s not here yet； but the way she s going to e in she won t be downwind if we sit in our regular spot。 Of course we ll sit in our regular spot。 nerves。 I ll be absolutely fine。 Stop it； Alice。 You re getting on my She blinked once as Jasper helped her into her seat； and her eyes finally focused on my face。 Hmm； she said； sounding surprised。 Of course I am； I muttered。 I hated being the focus of their concern。 I felt a sudden sympathy for Jasper； remembering all the times we d hovered protectively over him。 He met my glance briefly； and grinned。 Annoying； isn t it？ I grimaced at him。 Was it just last week that this long； drab room had seemed so killingly dull to me？ That it had seemed almost like sleep； like a a； to be here？ Today my nerves were stretched tight piano wires； tensed to sing at the lightest pressure。 My senses were hyperalert； I scanned every sound； every sight； every movement of the air that touched my skin； every thought。 Especially the thoughts。 There was only one sense that I kept locked down； refused to use。 Smell； of course。 I didn t breath