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his hat； stick； and was holding the door open for Katharine
to pass out。 The most that William could do was to stand
at the head of the stairs and say goodnight。 He could
not offer to go with them。 He could not insist that she
should stay。 He watched her descend； rather slowly； owing
to the dusk of the staircase； and he had a last sight of
Denham’s head and of Katharine’s head near together；
against the panels； when suddenly a pang of acute jealousy
overcame him； and had he not remained conscious
of the slippers upon his feet； he would have run after
them or cried out。 As it was he could not move from the
spot。 At the turn of the staircase Katharine turned to
look back； trusting to this last glance to seal their pact
of good friendship。 Instead of returning her silent
greeting； William grinned back at her a cold stare of sarcasm
or of rage。
She stopped dead for a moment； and then descended
slowly into the court。 She looked to the right and to the
left； and once up into the sky。 She was only conscious of
Denham as a block upon her thoughts。 She measured the
distance that must be traversed before she would be alone。
But when they came to the Strand no cabs were to be
seen； and Denham broke the silence by saying：
“There seem to be no cabs。 Shall we walk on a little？”
“Very well；” she agreed； paying no attention to him。
Aware of her preoccupation； or absorbed in his own
thoughts； Ralph said nothing further； and in silence they
walked some distance along the Strand。 Ralph was doing
his best to put his thoughts into such order that one
came before the rest； and the determination that when
he spoke he should speak worthily； made him put off the
moment of speaking till he had found the exact words
and even the place that best suited him。 The Strand was
255
Night and Day
too busy。 There was too much risk； also； of finding an
empty cab。 Without a word of explanation he turned to
the left； down one of the side streets leading to the river。
On no account must they part until something of the very
greatest importance had happened。 He knew perfectly
well what he wished to say； and had arranged not only
the substance； but the order in which he was to say it。
Now； however； that he was alone with her； not only did
he find the difficulty of speaking almost insurmountable；
but he was aware that he was angry with her for thus
disturbing him； and casting； as it was so easy for a person
of her advantages to do； these phantoms and pitfalls
across his path。 He was determined that he would question
her as severely as he would question himself； and
make them both； once and for all； either justify her dominance
or renounce it。 But the longer they walked thus
alone； the more he was disturbed by the sense of her
actual presence。 Her skirt blew； the feathers in her hat
waved； sometimes he saw her a step or two ahead of him；
or had to wait for her to catch him up。
The silence was prolonged； and at length drew her at
tention to him。 First she was annoyed that there was no
cab to free her from his pany； then she recalled vaguely
something that Mary had said to make her think ill of
him； she could not remember what； but the recollection；
bined with his masterful ways—why did he walk so
fast down this side street？—made her more and more
conscious of a person of marked； though disagreeable；
force by her side。 She stopped and； looking round her for
a cab； sighted one in the distance。 He was thus precipitated
into speech。
“Should you mind if we walked a little farther？” he asked。
“There’s something I want to say to you。”
“Very well；” she replied； guessing that his request had
something to do with Mary Datchet。
“It’s quieter by the river；” he said； and instantly he
crossed over。 “I want to ask you merely this；” he began。
But he paused so long that she could see his head against
the sky； the slope of his thin cheek and his large； strong
nose were clearly marked against it。 While he paused；
words that were quite different from those he intended
to use presented themselves。
256
Virginia Woolf
“I’ve made you my standard ever since I saw you。 I’ve
dreamt about you； I’ve thought of nothing but you； you
represent to me the only reality in the world。”
His words； and the queer strained voice in which he
spoke them； made it appear as if he addressed some person
who was not the woman beside him； but some one
far away。
“And now things have e to such a pass that； unless
I can speak to you openly； I believe I shall go mad。 I
think of you as the most beautiful； the truest thing in
the world；” he continued； filled with a sense of exaltation；
and feeling that he had no need now to choose his
words with pedantic accuracy； for what he wanted to say
was suddenly bee plain to him。
“I see you everywhere； in the stars； in the river； to me
you’re everything that exists； the reality of everything。
Life； I tell you； would be impossible without you。 And
now I want—”
She had heard him so far with a feeling that she had
dropped some material word which made sense of the
rest。 She could hear no more of this unintelligible ram
bling without checking him。 She felt that she was overhearing
what was meant for another。
“I don’t understand；” she said。 “You’re saying things
that you don’t mean。”
“I mean every word I say；” he replied； emphatically。 He
turned his head towards her。 She recovered the words she
was searching for while he spoke。 “Ralph Denham is in
love with you。” They came back to her in Mary Datchet’s
voice。 Her anger blazed up in her。
“I saw Mary Datchet this afternoon；” she exclaimed。
He made a movement as if he were surprised or taken
aback； but answered in a moment：
“She told you that I had asked her to marry me； I suppose？”
“No！” Katharine exclaimed； in surprise。
“I did though。 It was the day I saw you at Lincoln；” he
continued。 “I had meant to ask her to marry me； and
then I looked out of the window and saw you。 After that
I didn’t