按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
her opinions； or a swing of her gloves which served to
irritate Mary Datchet； whose manner became increasingly
direct； abrupt； and even antagonistic。 She became conscious
of a wish to make Katharine realize the importance
of this work； which she discussed so coolly； as
though she； too； had sacrificed what Mary herself had
sacrificed。 The swinging of the gloves ceased； and
Katharine； after ten minutes； began to make movements
preliminary to departure。 At the sight of this； Mary was
aware—she was abnormally aware of things tonight—of
another very strong desire； Katharine was not to be allowed
to go； to disappear into the free； happy world of
irresponsible individuals。 She must be made to realize—
to feel。
“I don’t quite see；” she said； as if Katharine had challenged
her explicitly； “how； things being as they are； any
one can help trying； at least； to do something。”
“No。 But how are things？”
Mary pressed her lips； and smiled ironically； she had
Katharine at her mercy； she could； if she liked； discharge
upon her head wagonloads of revolting proof of the state
of things ignored by the casual； the amateur； the looker
on； the cynical observer of life at a distance。 And yet she
hesitated。 As usual； when she found herself in talk with
Katharine； she began to feel rapid alternations of opinion
about her； arrows of sensation striking strangely
through the envelope of personality； which shelters us so
233
Night and Day
conveniently from our fellows。 What an egoist； how aloof
she was！ And yet； not in her words； perhaps； but in her
voice； in her face； in her attitude； there were signs of a
soft brooding spirit； of a sensibility unblunted and profound；
playing over her thoughts and deeds； and investing
her manner with an habitual gentleness。 The arguments
and phrases of Mr。 Clacton fell flat against such
armor。
“You’ll be married； and you’ll have other things to think
of；” she said inconsequently； and with an accent of condescension。
She was not going to make Katharine understand
in a second； as she would； all she herself had learnt
at the cost of such pain。 No。 Katharine was to be happy；
Katharine was to be ignorant； Mary was to keep this knowledge
of the impersonal life for herself。 The thought of
her morning’s renunciation stung her conscience； and she
tried to expand once more into that impersonal condition
which was so lofty and so painless。 She must check
this desire to be an individual again； whose wishes were
in conflict with those of other people。 She repented of
her bitterness。
Katharine now renewed her signs of leavetaking； she
had drawn on one of her gloves； and looked about her as
if in search of some trivial saying to end with。 Wasn’t
there some picture； or clock； or chest of drawers which
might be singled out for notice？ something peaceable
and friendly to end the unfortable interview？ The
greenshaded lamp burnt in the corner； and illumined
books and pens and blottingpaper。 The whole aspect of
the place started another train of thought and struck her
as enviably free； in such a room one could work—one
could have a life of one’s own。
“I think you’re very lucky；” she observed。 “I envy you；
living alone and having your own things”—and engaged
in this exalted way； which had no recognition or engage
mentring； she added in her own mind。
Mary’s lips parted slightly。 She could not conceive in what
respects Katharine； who spoke sincerely； could envy her。
“I don’t think you’ve got any reason to envy me；” she
said。
“Perhaps one always envies other people；” Katharine
observed vaguely。
234
Virginia Woolf
“Well； but you’ve got everything that any one can want。”
Katharine remained silent。 She gazed into the fire quietly；
and without a trace of selfconsciousness。 The hostility
which she had divined in Mary’s tone had pletely
disappeared； and she forgot that she had been upon the
point of going。
“Well； I suppose I have；” she said at length。 “And yet I
sometimes think—” She paused； she did not know how
to express what she meant。
“It came over me in the Tube the other day；” she resumed；
with a smile； “what is it that makes these people
go one way rather than the other？ It’s not love； it’s not
reason； I think it must be some idea。 Perhaps； Mary； our
affections are the shadow of an idea。 Perhaps there isn’t
any such thing as affection in itself… 。” She spoke half
mockingly； asking her question； which she scarcely troubled
to frame； not of Mary； or of any one in particular。
But the words seemed to Mary Datchet shallow； supercilious；
coldblooded； and cynical all in one。 All her natural
instincts were roused in revolt against them。
“I’m the opposite way of thinking； you see；” she said。
“Yes； I know you are；” Katharine replied； looking at her
as if now she were about； perhaps； to explain something
very important。
Mary could not help feeling the simplicity and good
faith that lay behind Katharine’s words。
“I think affection is the only reality；” she said。
“Yes；” said Katharine； almost sadly。 She understood that
Mary was thinking of Ralph； and she felt it impossible to
press her to reveal more of this exalted condition； she
could only respect the fact that； in some few cases； life
arranged itself thus satisfactorily and pass on。 She rose
to her feet accordingly。 But Mary exclaimed； with unmistakable
earnestness； that she must not go； that they met
so seldom； that she wanted to talk to her so much… 。
Katharine was surprised at the earnestness with which
she spoke。 It seemed to her that there could be no indiscretion
in mentioning Ralph by name。
Seating herself “for ten minutes；” she said： “By the
way； Mr。 Denham told me he was going to give up the Bar
and live in the country。 Has he gone？ He was beginning
to tell me about it； when we were interrupted。”
235
Night and Day
“He thinks of it；” said Mary briefly。 The color at once
came to her face。
“It would be a very good plan；” said Katha