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夜与日-第126章

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“Mary;” said Ralph; directly Mr。 Bast had shut the 
door and they were alone together。 “Mary;” he repeated。 
But the old difficulty of speaking to Mary without reserve 
prevented him from continuing。 His desire to proclaim 
his love for Katharine was still strong in him; but he had 
felt; directly he saw Mary; that he could not share it with 

337 



Night and Day 

her。 The feeling increased as he sat talking to Mr。 Bast。 
And yet all the time he was thinking of Katharine; and 
marveling at his love。 The tone in which he spoke Mary’s 
name was harsh。 

“What is it; Ralph?” she asked; startled by his tone。 She 
looked at him anxiously; and her little frown showed that 
she was trying painfully to understand him; and was 
puzzled。 He could feel her groping for his meaning; and 
he was annoyed with her; and thought how he had always 
found her slow; painstaking; and clumsy。 He had 
behaved badly to her; too; which made his irritation the 
more acute。 Without waiting for him to answer; she rose 
as if his answer were indifferent to her; and began to put 
in order some papers that Mr。 Bast had left on the 
table。 She hummed a scrap of a tune under her breath; 
and moved about the room as if she were occupied in 
making things tidy; and had no other concern。 

“You’ll stay and dine?” she said casually; returning to 
her seat。 

“No;” Ralph replied。 She did not press him further。 They 
sat side by side without speaking; and Mary reached her 

hand for her work basket; and took out her sewing and 
threaded a needle。 

“That’s a clever young man;” Ralph observed; referring 
to Mr。 Bast。 

“I’m glad you thought so。 It’s tremendously interesting 
work; and considering everything; I think we’ve done very 
well。 But I’m inclined to agree with you; we ought to try 
to be more conciliatory。 We’re absurdly strict。 It’s difficult 
to see that there may be sense in what one’s opponents 
say; though they are one’s opponents。 Horace 
Bast is certainly too unpromising。 I mustn’t forget 
to see that he writes that letter to Judson。 You’re too 
busy; I suppose; to e on to our mittee?” She spoke 
in the most impersonal manner。 

“I may be out of town;” Ralph replied; with equal distance 
of manner。 

“Our executive meets every week; of course;” she observed。 
“But some of our members don’t e more than 
once a month。 Members of Parliament are the worst; it 
was a mistake; I think; to ask them。” 

She went on sewing in silence。 

338 



Virginia Woolf 

“You’ve not taken your quinine;” she said; looking up 
and seeing the tabloids upon the mantelpiece。 

“I don’t want it;” said Ralph shortly。 

“Well; you know best;” she replied tranquilly。 

“Mary; I’m a brute!” he exclaimed。 “Here I e and 
waste your time; and do nothing but make myself disagreeable。” 


“A cold ing on does make one feel wretched;” she 
replied。 

“I’ve not got a cold。 That was a lie。 There’s nothing the 
matter with me。 I’m mad; I suppose。 I ought to have had 
the decency to keep away。 But I wanted to see you—I 
wanted to tell you—I’m in love; Mary。” He spoke the word; 
but; as he spoke it; it seemed robbed of substance。 

“In love; are you?” she said quietly。 “I’m glad; Ralph。” 

“I suppose I’m in love。 Anyhow; I’m out of my mind。 I 
can’t think; I can’t work; I don’t care a hang for anything 
in the world。 Good Heavens; Mary! I’m in torment! One 
moment I’m happy; next I’m miserable。 I hate her for half 
an hour; then I’d give my whole life to be with her for ten 
minutes; all the time I don’t know what I feel; or why I 

feel it; it’s insanity; and yet it’s perfectly reasonable。 Can 
you make any sense of it? Can you see what’s happened? 
I’m raving; I know; don’t listen; Mary; go on with your 
work。” 

He rose and began; as usual; to pace up and down the 
room。 He knew that what he had just said bore very little 
resemblance to what he felt; for Mary’s presence acted 
upon him like a very strong mag; drawing from him 
certain expressions which were not those he made use of 
when he spoke to himself; nor did they represent his 
deepest feelings。 He felt a little contempt for himself at 
having spoken thus; but somehow he had been forced 
into speech。 

“Do sit down;” said Mary suddenly。 “You make me so— 
” She spoke with unusual irritability; and Ralph; noticing 
it with surprise; sat down at once。 

“You haven’t told me her name—you’d rather not; I 
suppose?” 

“Her name? Katharine Hilbery。” 

“But she’s engaged—” 

“To Rodney。 They’re to be married in September。” 

339 



Night and Day 

“I see;” said Mary。 But in truth the calm of his manner; 
now that he was sitting down once more; wrapt her in 
the presence of something which she felt to be so strong; 
so mysterious; so incalculable; that she scarcely dared to 
attempt to intercept it by any word or question that she 
was able to frame。 She looked at Ralph blankly; with a 
kind of awe in her face; her lips slightly parted; and her 
brows raised。 He was apparently quite unconscious of her 
gaze。 Then; as if she could look no longer; she leant back 
in her chair; and half closed her eyes。 The distance between 
them hurt her terribly; one thing after another 
came into her mind; tempting her to assail Ralph with 
questions; to force him to confide in her; and to enjoy 
once more his intimacy。 But she rejected every impulse; 
for she could not speak without doing violence to some 
reserve which had grown between them; putting them a 
little far from each other; so that he seemed to her dignified 
and remote; like a person she no longer knew well。 

“Is there anything that I could do for you?” she asked 
gently; and even with courtesy; at length。 

“You could see her—no; that’s not what I want; you 

mustn’t bother about me; Mary。” He; too; spoke very gently。 


“I’m afraid no third person can do anything to help;” 
she added。 

“No;” he shook his head。 “Katharine was saying today 
how lonely we are。” She saw the effort with which he 
spoke Kath
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