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I left out the part about how that wouldn't be necessary this time。
Struggling to make my voice softer； I asked； 〃Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns？
What did you tell me？〃
I waited； but she wouldn't answer。 She pressed her lips together。
〃You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle；〃 I reminded her。 〃And what did I do？ I listened to the
vampire。 For
you。〃
〃You listened because it was the right thing to do。〃
〃Okay—pick either reason。〃
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She took a deep breath。 〃It's not the right thing now。〃 Her gaze touched her big round stomach and she
whispered under her breath； 〃I won't kill him。〃
My hands shook again。 〃Oh； I hadn't heard the great news。 A bouncing baby boy； huh？ Shoulda brought
some blueballoons。〃
Her face turned pink。 The color was so beautiful—it twisted in my stomach like a knife。 A serrated
knife； rusty and ragged。
I was going to lose this。 Again。
〃I don't know he's a boy；〃 she admitted； a little sheepish。 〃The ultrasound wouldn't work。 The membrane
around the baby is too hard—like their skin。 So he's a little mystery。 But I always see a boy in my head。〃
〃It's not some pretty baby in there； Bella。〃
〃We'll see；〃 she said。 Almost smug。
〃You won't；〃 I snarled。
〃You're very pessimistic； Jacob。 There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this。〃
I couldn't answer。 I looked down and breathed deep and slow； trying to get a grip on my fury。
〃Jake；〃 she said； and she patted my hair； stroked my cheek。 〃It's going to be okay。 Shh。 it's okay。〃
I didn't look up。 〃No。 It will not be okay。〃
She wiped something wet from my cheek。 〃Shh。〃
〃What's the deal； Bella？〃 I stared at the pale carpet。 My bare feet were dirty； leaving smudges。 Good。 〃I
thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything。 And now you're just
giving him up？ That doesn't make any sense。 Since when are you desperate to be a mom？ If you wanted
that so much； why did you marry a vampire？〃
I was dangerously close to that offer he wanted me to make。 I could see the words taking me that way；
but I couldn't change their direction。
She sighed。 〃It's not like that。 I didn't really care about having a baby。 I didn't even think about it。 It's not
just having a baby。 It's。。。 well。。。 this baby。〃
〃It's a killer； Bella。 Look at yourself。〃
〃He's not。 It's me。 I'm just weak and human。 But I can tough this out； Jake； I can—〃
〃Aw； e on！ Shut up； Bella。 You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker； but you're not fooling me。
You know you're not going to make it。〃
She glared at me。 〃I do not know that。 I'm worried about it； sure。〃
〃Worriedabout it；〃 I repeated through my teeth。
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She gasped then and clutched at her stomach。 My fury vanished like a light switch being turned off。
〃I'm fine；〃 she panted。 It's nothing。〃
But I didn't hear； her hands had pulled her sweatshirt to the side； and I stared； horrified； at the skin it
exposed。 Her stomach looked like it was stained with big splotches of purpleblack ink。
She saw my stare； and she yanked the fabric back in place。
〃He's strong； that's all；〃 she said defensively。
The ink spots were bruises。
I almost gagged； and I understood what he'd said； about watching it hurt her。 Suddenly； I felt a little
crazy myself。
〃Bella；〃 I said。
She heard the change in my voice。 She looked up； still breathing heavy； her eyes confused。
〃Bella； don't do this：'
〃Jake—〃
〃Listen to me。 Don't get your back up yet。 Okay？ Just listen。 What if。。。 ？〃
〃What if what？〃
〃What if this wasn't a oneshot deal？ What if it wasn't all or nothing？ What if you just listened to Carlisle
like a good girl； and kept yourself alive？〃
〃I won't—〃
〃I'm not done yet。 So you stay alive。 Then you can start over。 This didn't work out。 Try again。〃
She frowned。 She raised one hand and touched the place where my eyebrows were mashing together。
Her fingers smoothed my forehead for a moment while she tried to make sense of it。
〃I don't understand。。。。 What do you mean； try again？ You can't think Edward would let me。。。 ？ And
what difference would it make？ I'm sure any baby—〃
〃Yes；〃 I snapped。 〃Any kid of his would be the same。〃
Her tired face just got more confused。 〃What？〃
But I couldn't say any more。 There was no point。 I would never be able to save her from herself。 I'd
never been able to do that。
Then she blinked； and I could see she got it。
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〃Oh。 Ugh。 Please； Jacob。 You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute？
Artificial insemination？〃 She was mad now。 〃Why would I want to have some stranger's baby？ I suppose
it just doesn't make a difference？ Any baby will do？〃
〃I didn't mean that；〃 I muttered。 〃Not a stranger。〃
She leaned forward。 〃Then what are you saying？〃
〃Nothing。 I'm saying nothing。 Same as ever。〃
〃Where did that e from？〃
〃Forget it； Bella。〃
She frowned； suspicious。 〃Did he tell you to say that？〃
I hesitated； surprised that she'd made that leap so quick。 〃No。〃
〃He did； didn't he？〃
〃No； really。 He didn't say anything about artificial whatever。〃
Her face softened then； and she sank back against the pillows； looking exhausted。 She stared off to the
side when she spoke； not talking to me at all。 〃He would do anything forme。 And I'm hurting him so
much。。。。 But what is he thinking？ That I would trade this〃—her hand traced across her belly—〃for some
stranger's 。。。〃 She mumbled the last part； and then her voice trailed off。 Her eyes were wet。
〃You don't have to hurt him；〃 I whispered。 It burned like poison in my mouth to beg for him； but I knew
this angle was probably my best bet for keeping her alive。 Still a thousandtoone odds。 〃You could
make him happy again； Bella。 And I really think he's losing it。 Honestly； I do。〃
She didn't se