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disrupted。
“No special plans；” I said carefully； hoping he would hear the reassurance in my words without a more
detailed explanation。 I didn’t want to get into it now。 For one thing； he didn’t look up for any difficult
conversations。 For another； I knew he would read too much into my qualms。 “Well； I do have to go to a
graduation party。 Mine。” I made a disgusted sound。 “Alice loves parties； and she’s invited the whole town to
her place the night of。 It’s going to be horrible。”
His eyes opened as I spoke； and a relieved smile made his face look less worn。 “I didn’t get an invitation。
I’m hurt；” he teased。
“Consider yourself invited。 It’s supposedly my party； so I should be able to ask who I want。”
“Thanks；” he said sarcastically； his eyes slipping closed once more。
“I wish you would e；” I said without any hope。 “It would be more fun。 For me； I mean。”
“Sure； sure；” he mumbled。 “That would be very 。 。 。 wise 。 。 。” His voice trailed off。
A few seconds later； he was snoring。
Poor Jacob。 I studied his dreaming face； and liked what I saw。 While he slept； every trace of
defensiveness and bitterness disappeared and suddenly he was the boy who had been my very best friend
before all the werewolf nonsense had gotten in the way。 He looked so much younger。 He looked like my
Jacob。
I nestled into the couch to wait out his nap； hoping he would sleep for a while and make up some of what
he’d lost。 I flipped through channels； but there wasn’t much on。 I settled for a cooking show； knowing； as I
watched； that I’d never put that much effort into Charlie’s dinner。 Jacob continued to snore； getting louder。 I
turned up the TV。
I was strangely relaxed； almost sleepy； too。 This house felt safer than my own； probably because no one
had ever e looking for me here。 I curled up on the sofa and thought about taking a nap myself。 Maybe I
would have； but Jacob’s snoring was impossible to tune out。 So； instead of sleeping； I let my mind wander。
Finals were done； and most of them had been a cakewalk。 Calculus； the one exception； was behind me；
pass or fail。 My high school education was over。 And I didn’t really know how I felt about that。 I couldn’t
look at it objectively； tied up as it was with my human life being over。
I wondered how long Edward planned to use this “not because you’re scared” excuse。 I was going to
have to put my foot down sometime。
If I were thinking practically； I knew it made more sense to ask Carlisle to change me the second I made it
through the graduation line。 Forks was being nearly as dangerous as a war zone。 No； Forks was a war
zone。 Not to mention 。 。 。 it would be a good excuse to miss the graduation party。 I smiled to myself as I
thought of that most trivial of reasons for changing。 Silly 。 。 。 yet still pelling。
But Edward was right — I wasn’t quite ready yet。
And I didn’t want to be practical。 I wanted Edward to be the one。 It wasn’t a rational desire。 I was sure
that — about two seconds after someone actually bit me and the venom started burning through my veins — I
really wouldn’t care anymore who had done it。 So it shouldn’t make a difference。
It was hard to define； even to myself； why it mattered。 There was just something about him being the one
to make the choice — to want to keep me enough that he wouldn’t just allow me to be changed； he would act
to keep me。 It was childish； but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel。 Even
more embarrassingly； something I would never say aloud； I wanted his venom to poison my system。 It would
make me belong to him in a tangible； quantifiable way。
But I knew he was going to stick to his marriage scheme like glue — because a delay was what he was
clearly after and it was working so far。 I tried to imagine telling my parents that I was getting married this
summer。 Telling Angela and Ben and Mike。 I couldn’t。 I couldn’t think of the words to say。 It would be easier
to tell them I was being a vampire。 And I was sure that at least my mother — were I to tell her every
detail of the truth — would be more strenuously opposed to me getting married than to me a being
vampire。 I grimaced to myself as I imagined her horrified expression。
Then； for just a second； I saw that same odd vision of Edward and me on a porch swing； wearing clothes
from another kind of world。 A world where it would surprise no one if I wore his ring on my finger。 A simpler
place； where love was defined in simpler ways。 One plus one equals two。 。 。 。
Jacob snorted and rolled to his side。 His arm swung off the back of the couch and pinned me against his
body。
Holy crow； but he was heavy！ And hot。 It was sweltering after just a few seconds。
I tried to slide out from under his arm without waking him； but I had to shove a little bit； and when his arm
fell off me； his eyes snapped open。 He jumped to his feet； looking around anxiously。
“What？ What？” he asked； disoriented。
“It’s just me； Jake。 Sorry I woke you。”
He turned to look at me； blinking and confused。 “Bella？”
“Hey； sleepy。”
“Oh； man！ Did I fall asleep？ I’m sorry！ How long was I out？”
“A few Emerils。 I lost count。”
He flopped back on the couch next to me。 “Wow。 Sorry about that； really。”
I patted his hair； trying to smooth the wild disarray。 “Don’t feel bad。 I’m glad you got some sleep。”
He yawned and stretched。 “I’m useless these days。 No wonder Billy’s always gone。 I’m so boring。”
“You’re fine；” I assured him。
“Ugh； let’s go outside。 I need to walk around or I’ll pass out again。”
“Jake； go back to sleep。 I’m good。 I’ll call Edward to e pick me up。” I patted my pockets as I spoke；
and realized they were empty。 “Shoot； I’ll have to borrow your phone。 I think I must have left his in the car。” I
started to unfold myself。
“No！” Jacob insisted； grabbing my hand。 “No； stay。 You hardly ever make it down。 I can’t believe I
wasted all this time。”
He pulled me off the couch as he spoke； and then led the way outside； ducking his head as he passed
under the doorfr