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3 eclipse月食-第61章

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“Your lips are white。 Talk; Bella。” 
I exhaled in a big gust。 How long had I been holding my breath? 
“The date took me off guard;” I whispered。 “That’s all。” 
He waited; his face full of worry and skepticism。 
I tried to explain。 “I’m not sure what to do 。 。 。 what to tell Charlie 。 。 。 what to say 。 。 。 how to 。 。 。” My 
voice trailed off。 
“This isn’t about the party?” 
I frowned。 “No。 But thanks for reminding me。” 
The rain was louder as he read my face。 
“You’re not ready;” he whispered。 
“I am;” I lied immediately; a reflex reaction。 I could tell he saw through it; so I took a deep breath; and 
told the truth。 “I have to be。” 
“You don’t have to be anything。” 
I could feel the panic surfacing in my eyes as I mouthed the reasons。 “Victoria; Jane; Caius; whoever was 
in my room 。 。 。 !” 
“All the more reason to wait。” 
“That doesn’t make any sense; Edward!” 
He pressed his hands more tightly to my face and spoke with slow deliberation。 
“Bella。 Not one of us had a choice。 You’ve seen what it’s done 。 。 。 to Rosalie especially。 We’ve all 
struggled; trying to reconcile ourselves with something we had no control over。 I won’t let it be that way for 
you。 You will have a choice。” 
“I’ve already made my choice。” 
“You aren’t going through with this because a sword is hanging over your head。 We will take care of the 
problems; and I will take care of you;” he vowed。 “When we’re through it; and there is nothing forcing your 
hand; then you can decide to join me; if you still want to。 But not because you’re afraid。 You won’t be forced 
into this。” 
“Carlisle promised;” I mumbled; contrary out of habit。 “After graduation。” 
“Not until you’re ready;” he said in a sure voice。 “And definitely not while you feel threatened。” 
I didn’t answer。 I didn’t have it in me to argue; I couldn’t seem to find my mitment at the moment。 
“There。” He kissed my forehead。 “Nothing to worry about。” 
I laughed a shaky laugh。 “Nothing but impending doom。” 
“Trust me。” 
“I do。” 
He was still watching my face; waiting for me to relax。 
“Can I ask you something?” I said。 
“Anything。” 
I hesitated; biting my lip; and then asked a different question than the one I was worried about。 
“What am I getting Alice for graduation?” 

He snickered。 “It looked like you were getting us both concert tickets —” 
“That’s right!” I was so relieved; I almost smiled。 “The concert in Taa。 I saw an ad in the paper last 
week; and I thought it would be something you’d like; since you said it was a good CD。” 
“It’s a great idea。 Thank you。” 
“I hope it’s not sold out。” 
“It’s the thought that counts。 I ought to know。” 
I sighed。 
“There’s something else you meant to ask;” he said。 
I frowned。 “You’re good。” 
“I have lots of practice reading your face。 Ask me。” 
I closed my eyes and leaned into him; hiding my face against his chest。 “You don’t want me to be a 
vampire。” 
“No; I don’t;” he said softly; and then he waited for more。 “That’s not a question;” he prompted after a 
moment。 
“Well 。 。 。 I was worrying about 。 。 。 why you feel that way。” 
“Worrying?” He picked out the word with surprise。 
“Would you tell me why? The whole truth; not sparing my feelings?” 
He hesitated for a minute。 “If I answer your question; will you then explain your question?” 
I nodded; my face still hidden。 
He took a deep breath before he answered。 “You could do so much better; Bella。 I know that you believe 
I have a soul; but I’m not entirely convinced on that point; and to risk yours 。 。 。” He shook his head slowly。 
“For me to allow this — to let you bee what I am just so that I’ll never have to lose you — is the most 
selfish act I can imagine。 I want it more than anything; for myself。 But for you; I want so much more。 Giving in 
— it feels criminal。 It’s the most selfish thing I’ll ever do; even if I live forever。 
“If there were any way for me to bee human for you — no matter what the price was; I would pay it。” 
I sat very still; absorbing this。 
Edward thought he was being selfish。 
I felt the smile slowly spread across my face。 
“So 。 。 。 it’s not that you’re afraid you won’t 。 。 。 like me as much when I’m different — when I’m not soft 
and warm and I don’t smell the same? You really do want to keep me; no matter how I turn out?” 
He exhaled sharply。 “You were worried I wouldn’t like you?” he demanded。 Then; before I could 
answer; he was laughing。 “Bella; for a fairly intuitive person; you can be so obtuse!” 
I knew he would think it silly; but I was relieved。 If he really wanted me; I could get through the rest 。 。 。 
somehow。 Selfish suddenly seemed like a beautiful word。 
“I don’t think you realize how much easier it will be for me; Bella;” he said; the echo of his humor still there 
in his voice; “when I don’t have to concentrate all the time on not killing you。 Certainly; there are things I’ll 
miss。 This for one 。 。 。” 
He stared into my eyes as he stroked my cheek; and I felt the blood rush up to color my skin。 He laughed 
gently。 
“And the sound of your heart;” he continued; more serious but still smiling a little。 “It’s the most significant 
sound in my world。 I’m so attuned to it now; I swear I could pick it out from miles away。 But neither of these 
things matter。 This;” he said; taking my face in his hands。 “You。 That’s what I’m keeping。 You’ll always be my 
Bella; you’ll just be a little more durable。” 
I sighed and let my eyes close in contentment; resting there in his hands。 
“Now will you answer a question for me? The whole truth; not sparing my feelings?” he asked。 
“Of course;” I answered at once; my eyes opening wide with surprise。 What would he want to know? 
He spoke the words slowly。 “You don’t want to be my wife。” 
My heart stopped; and then broke into a sprint。 A cold sweat dewed on the back of my neck and my 
hands turned to ice。 
He waited; watching and listening to my reaction。 
“That’s not a question;” I finally whispered。 
He looked down; his lashes casting long shadows across his cheekbones; and 
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