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the clouds。 They were too even; too smooth。 No pictures; just a soft; gray blanket。
Edward lay next to me and held my hand。
“August thirteenth?” he asked casually after a few minutes of fortable silence。
“That gives me a month till my birthday。 I didn’t want to cut it too close。”
He sighed。 “Esme is three years older than Carlisle — technically。 Did you know that?”
I shook my head。
“It hasn’t made any difference to them。”
My voice was serene; a counterpoint to his anxiety。 “My age is not really that important。 Edward; I’m
ready。 I’ve chosen my life — now I want to start living it。”
He stroked my hair。 “The guest list veto?”
“I don’t care really; but I 。 。 。” I hesitated; not wanting to explain this one。 Best to get it over with。 “I’m not
sure if Alice would feel the need to invite 。 。 。 a few werewolves。 I don’t know if 。 。 。 Jake would feel like 。 。 。
like he should e。 Like that’s the right thing to do; or that I’d get my feelings hurt if he didn’t。 He shouldn’t
have to go through that。”
Edward was quiet for a minute。 I stared at the tips of the treetops; almost black against the light gray of the
sky。
Suddenly; Edward grabbed me around the waist and pulled me onto his chest。
“Tell me why you’re doing this; Bella。 Why did you decide; now; to give Alice free reign?”
I repeated for him the conversation I had with Charlie last night before I’d gone to see Jacob。
“It wouldn’t be fair to keep Charlie out of this;” I concluded。 “And that means Renée and Phil。 I might as
well let Alice have her fun; too。 Maybe itwill make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper
goodbye。 Even if he thinks it’s much too early; I wouldn’t want to cheat him out of the chance to walk me
down the aisle。” I grimaced at the words; then took another deep breath。 “At least my mom and dad and my
friends will know the best part of my choice; the most I’m allowed to tell them。 They’ll know I chose you; and
they’ll know we’re together。 They’ll know I’m happy; wherever I am。 I think that’s the best I can do for
them。”
Edward held my face; searching it for a brief time。
“Deal’s off;” he said abruptly。
“What?” I gasped。 “You’re backing out? No!”
“I’m not backing out; Bella。 I’ll still keep my side of the bargain。 But you’re off the hook。 Whatever you
want; no strings attached。”
“Why?”
“Bella; I see what you’re doing。 You’re trying to make everyone else happy。 And I don’t care about
anyone else’s feelings。 I only need you to be happy。 Don’t worry about breaking the news to Alice。 I’ll take
care of it。 I promise she won’t make you feel guilty。”
“But I —”
“No。 We’re doing this your way。 Because my way doesn’t work。 I call you stubborn; but look at what
I’ve done。 I’ve clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what’s best for you; though it’s only hurt you。
Hurt you so deeply; time and time again。 I don’t trust myself anymore。 You can have happiness your way。 My
way is always wrong。 So。” He shifted under me; squaring his shoulders。 “We’re doing it your way; Bella。
Tonight。 Today。 The sooner the better。 I’ll speak to Carlisle。 I was thinking that maybe if we gave you enough
morphine; it wouldn’t be so bad。 It’s worth a try。” He gritted his teeth。
“Edward; no —”
He put his finger to my lips。 “Don’t worry; Bella; love。 I haven’t forgotten the rest of your demands。”
His hands were in my hair; his lips moving softly — but very seriously — against mine; before I realized
what he was saying。 What he was doing。
There wasn’t much time to act。 If I waited too long; I wouldn’t be able to remember why I needed to stop
him。 Already; I couldn’t breathe right。 My hands were gripping his arms; pulling myself tighter to him; my
mouth glued to his and answering every unspoken question his asked。
I tried to clear my head; to find a way to speak。
He rolled gently; pressing me into the cool grass。
Oh; never mind! my less noble side exulted。 My head was full of the sweetness of his breath。
No; no; no; I argued with myself。 I shook my head; and his mouth moved to my neck; giving me a chance
to breathe。
“Stop; Edward。 Wait。” My voice was as weak as my will。
“Why?” he whispered into the hollow of my throat。
I labored to put some resolve into my tone。 “I don’t want to do this now。”
“Don’t you?” he asked; a smile in his voice。 He moved his lips back to mine and made speaking
impossible。 Heat coursed through my veins; burning where my skin touched his。
I made myself focus。 It took a great deal of effort just to force my hands to free themselves from his hair;
to move them to his chest。 But I did it。 And then I shoved against him; trying to push him away。 I could not
succeed alone; but he responded as I knew he would。
He pulled back a few inches to look at me; and his eyes did nothing to help my resolve。 They were black
fire。 They smoldered。
“Why?” he asked again; his voice low and rough。 “I love you。 I want you。 Right now。”
The butterflies in my stomach flooded my throat。 He took advantage of my speechlessness。
“Wait; wait;” I tried to say around his lips。
“Not for me;” he murmured in disagreement。
“Please?” I gasped。
He groaned; and pushed himself away from me; rolling onto his back again。
We both lay there for a minute; trying to slow our breathing。
“Tell me why not; Bella;” he demanded。 “This had better not be about me。”
Everything in my world was about him。 What a silly thing to expect。
“Edward; this is very important to me。 I am going to do this right。”
“Who’s definition of right?”
“Mine。”
He rolled onto his elbow and stared at me; his expression disapproving。
“How are you going to do this right?”
I took a deep breath。 “Responsibly。 Everything in the right order。 I will not leave Charlie and Renée
without the best resolution I can give them。 I won’t deny Alice her fun; if I’m having a wedding anyway。 And I
will tie myself to you in every human way; before I ask you to make me immortal。 I’m following all the rules;
Edward。 Your soul is far; far too important to me to