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Gym； Mike was speaking to me again； he wished me a good time in Seattle。
I carefully explained that I'd canceled my trip； worried about my truck。
〃Are you going to the dance with Cullen？〃 he asked； suddenly sulky。
〃No； I'm not going to the dance at all。〃
〃What are you doing； then？〃 he asked； too interested。
My natural urge was to tell him to butt out。 Instead； I lied brightly。
〃Laundry； and then I have to study for the Trig test or I'm going to
fail。〃
〃Is Cullen helping you study？〃
〃Edward；〃 I emphasized； 〃is not going to help me study。 He's gone away
somewhere for the weekend。〃 The lies came more naturally than usual； I
noted with surprise。
〃Oh。〃 He perked up。 〃You know； you could e to the dance with our group
anyway — that would be cool。 We'd all dance with you；〃 he promised。
The mental image of Jessica's face made my tone sharper than necessary。
〃I'm not going to the dance； Mike； okay？〃
〃Fine。〃 He sulked again。 〃I was just offering。〃
When the school day had finally ended； I walked to the parking lot
without enthusiasm。 I did not especially want to walk home； but I
couldn't see how he would have retrieved my truck。 Then again； I was
starting to believe that nothing was impossible for him。 The latter
instinct proved correct — my truck sat in the same space he'd parked his
Volvo in this morning。 I shook my head； incredulous； as I opened the
unlocked door and saw the key in the ignition。
There was a piece of white paper folded on my seat。 I got in and closed
the door before I unfolded it。 Two words were written in his elegant
script。
Be safe。
The sound of the truck roaring to life frightened me。 I laughed at myself。
When I got home； the handle of the door was locked； the dead bolt
unlocked； just as I'd left it this morning。 Inside； I went straight to
the laundry room。 It looked just the same as I'd left it； too。 I dug for
my jeans and； after finding them； checked the pockets。 Empty。 Maybe I'd
hung my key up after all； I thought； shaking my head。
Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike； I called
Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance。 When she
offered the same wish for my day with Edward； I told her about the
cancellation。 She was more disappointed than really necessary for a
thirdparty observer to be。 I said goodbye quickly after that。
Charlie was absentminded at dinner； worried over something at work； I
guessed； or maybe a basketball game； or maybe he was just really enjoying
the lasagna — it was hard to tell with Charlie。
〃You know； Dad…〃 I began； breaking into his reverie。
〃What's that； Bell？〃
〃I think you're right about Seattle。 I think I'll wait until Jessica or
someone else can go with me。〃
〃Oh；〃 he said； surprised。 〃Oh； okay。 So； do you want me to stay home？〃
〃No； Dad； don't change your plans。 I've got a million things to do…
homework； laundry… I need to go to the library and the grocery store。
I'll be in and out all day… you go and have fun。〃
〃Are you sure？〃
〃Absolutely； Dad。 Besides； the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish
— we're down to a two； maybe three years' supply。〃
〃You're sure easy to live with； Bella。〃 He smiled。
〃I could say the same thing about you；〃 I said； laughing。 The sound of my
laughter was off； but he didn't seem to notice。 I felt so guilty for
deceiving him that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I
would be。 Almost。
After dinner； I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer。
Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy。 My mind
definitely had too much free time； and it was getting out of control。 I
fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain；
and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve。 I had to keep reminding
myself that I'd made my choice； and I wasn't going back on it。 I pulled
his note out of my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the
two small words he'd written。 He wants me to be safe； I told myself again
and again。 I would just hold on to the faith that； in the end； that
desire would win out over the others。 And what was my other choice — to
cut him out of my life？ Intolerable。 Besides； since I'd e to Forks； it
really seemed like my life was about him。
But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried； wondering if it would
hurt very much… if it ended badly。
I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime。 I
knew I was far too stressed to sleep； so I did something I'd never done
before。 I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that
knocked me out for a good eight hours。 I normally wouldn't condone that
type of behavior in myself； but tomorrow would be plicated enough
without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else。
While I waited for the drugs to kick in； I dried my clean hair till it
was impeccably straight； and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow。 With
everything ready for the morning； I finally lay in my bed。 I felt hyper；
I couldn't stop twitching。 I got up and rifled through my shoebox of CDs
until I found a collection of Chopin's nocturnes。 I put that on very
quietly and then lay down again； concentrating on relaxing individual
parts of my body。 Somewhere in the middle of that exercise； the cold
pills took effect； and I gladly sank into unconsciousness。
I woke early； having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my
gratuitous drug use。 Though I was well rested； I slipped right back into
the same hectic frenzy from the night before。 I dressed in a rush；
smoothing my collar against my neck； fidgeting with the tan sweater till
it hung right over my jeans。 I sneaked a swift look out the window to see
that Charlie was already gone。 A thin； cottony layer of clouds veiled the
sky。 They didn't look very lasting。
I ate breakfast without tasting the food； hurrying to clean up when I was
done。 I peeked out the window again； but nothing had changed。 I had just
finished brushing my teeth and was heading back downstairs when a quie