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I wasn't handling alone well。
I was relieved beyond measure the morning I woke up—screaming； of course—and remembered that it
was Saturday。 Today I could call Jacob。 And if the phone lines still weren't working； then I was going to
La Push。 One way or another； today would be better than the last lonely week。
I dialed； and then waited without high expectations。
It caught me off guard when Billy answered on the second ring。
〃Hello？〃
〃Oh； hey； the phone is working again！ Hi； Billy。 It's Bella。 I was just calling to see how Jacob is doing。 Is
he up for visitors yet？ I was thinking about dropping by—〃
〃I'm sorry； Bella；〃 Billy interrupted； and I wondered if he were watching TV； he sounded distracted。
〃He's not in。〃
〃Oh。〃 It took me a second。 〃So he's feeling better then？〃
〃Yeah；〃 Billy hesitated for an instant too long。 〃Turns out it wasn't mono after all。 Just some other virus。〃
〃Oh。 So… where is he？〃
〃He's giving some friends a ride up to Port Angeles—I think they were going to catch a double feature or
something。 He's gone for the whole day。〃
〃Well； that's a relief。 I've been so worried。 I'm glad he felt good enough to get out。〃 My voice sounded
horribly phony as I babbled on。
Jacob was better； but not well enough to call me。 He was out with friends。 I was sitting home； missing
him more every hour。 I was lonely； worried； bored… perforated—and now also desolate as I realized
that the week apart had not had the same effect on him。
〃Is there anything in particular you wanted？〃 Billy asked politely。
〃No； not really。〃
〃Well； I'll tell him that you called；〃 Billy promised。 〃Bye； Bella。〃
〃Bye；〃 I replied； but he'd already hung up。
I stood for a moment with the phone still in my hand。
Jacob must have changed his mind； just like I'd feared。 He was going to take my advice and not waste
any more time on someone who couldn't return his feelings。 I felt the blood run out of my face。
〃Something wrong？〃 Charlie asked as he came down the stairs。
〃No；〃 I lied； hanging up the phone。 〃Billy says Jacob is feeling better。 It wasn't mono。 So that's good。〃
〃Is he ing here； or are you going there？〃 Charlie asked absentmindedly as he started poking through
the fridge。
〃Neither；〃 I admitted。 〃He's going out with some other friends。〃
The tone of my voice finally caught Charlie's attention。 He looked up at me with sudden alarm； his hands
frozen around a package of cheese slices。
〃Isn't it a little early for lunch？〃 I asked as lightly as I could manage； trying to distract him。
〃No； I'm just packing something to take out to the river…〃
〃Oh； fishing today？〃
〃Well； Harry called… and it's not raining。〃 He was creating a stack of food on the counter as he spoke。
Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realized something。 〃Say； did you want me to stay with you；
since Jake's out？〃
〃That's okay； Dad；〃 I said； working to sound indifferent。 〃The fish bite better when the weather's nice。〃
He stared at me； indecision clear on his face。 I knew that he was worrying； afraid to leave me alone； in
case I got 〃mopey〃 again。
〃Seriously； Dad。 I think I'll call Jessica；〃 I fibbed quickly。 I'd rather be alone than have him watching me
all day。 〃We have a Calculus test to study for。 I could use her help。〃 That part was true。 But I'd have to
make do without it。
〃That's a good idea。 You've been spending so much time with Jacob； your other friends are going to think
you've forgotten them。〃
I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought。
Charlie started to turn； but then spun back with a worried expression。 〃Hey； you'll study here or at Jess's；
right？〃
〃Sure； where else？〃
〃Well； it's just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods； like I told you before。〃
It took me a minute to understand； distracted as I was。 〃More bear trouble？〃
Charlie nodded； frowning。 〃We've got a missing hiker—the rangers found his camp early this morning；
but no sign of him。 There were some really big animal prints… of course those could have e later；
smelling the food… Anyway； they're setting traps for it now。〃
〃Oh；〃 I said vaguely。 I wasn't really listening to his warnings； I was much more upset by the situation with
Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear。
I was glad that Charlie was in a hurry。 He didn't wait for me to call Jessica； so I didn't have to put on that
charade。 I went through the motions of gathering my schoolbooks on the kitchen table to pack them in
my bag； that was probably too much； and if he hadn't been eager to hit the holes； it might have made him
suspicious。
I was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty day ahead didn't really crash down on me until
after I'd watched him drive away。 It only took about two minutes of staring at the silent kitchen phone to
decide that I wasn't staying home today。 I considered my options。
I wasn't going to call Jessica。 As far as I could tell； Jessica had crossed over to the dark side。
I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle—an appealing thought but for one minor problem： who
was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward？
Or… I already had our map and pass in the truck。 I was pretty sure I understood the process well
enough by now that I wouldn't get lost。 Maybe I could eliminate two lines today； putting us ahead of
schedule for whenever Jacob decided to honor me with his presence again。 I refused to think about how
long that might be。 Or if it was going to be never。
I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized how Charlie would feel about this； but I ignored it。 I just couldn't
stay in the house again today。
A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere in particular。 I had the windows
rolled down and I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck； trying to enjoy the wind against my face。 It
was cloudy； but almost dry—a very nice day； for Forks。
Getting started took me longer than it would have taken Jacob。 After I parked in the usual spot； I had to
spend a good fifteen minutes st