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不论是长期潜藏的孩子的不满最终浮出了水面，还是家长制已经成为了一种必要，青少年的反抗都传达了一个信号，即家庭中需要建立一种新的关系。
与任何一种人与人之间的冲突一样，只有相互尊重才是化解之道。要记住，你处理这种冲突和应对过渡时期的方式，将决定着你今后与成人后的儿女的关系。
有一次，我在医院接受治疗，当时我的病床刚好跟两个女孩的病床对着，她们也是来住院就诊的。一种隐约的友谊似乎在她们中间滋生了。书包 网 。 想看书来
Growing up 长大（2）
一天夜里，那个稍微小一些的孩子突然痛苦地哭了起来。
“我根本不想这样，”她呜咽着说，“是爸爸妈妈硬那样规定的，但是，丹尼尔说，如果我不那么做的话他就再也不跟我说话了。”
“过来，”稍大一些的那个女孩轻蔑地说道，“你不会稀罕一个乳臭未干的小子的。”
她的话似乎并没有让小女孩儿平静下来，小女孩伸出手拿起了手机，似乎作出了一个很重要的决定般拨通了电话，自语道：“我要给丹尼尔打电话。”
她娃娃般的声音中透着紧张和哽咽：“嗨，丹尼尔，是我。我感到糟糕极了。没人告诉我事情会变成这样……就好像我真的做了什么可怕的事一样……一件再也无法挽回的事。我不知道自己该怎样面对……我似乎应付不来……丹尼尔，我好怕。”
当她停下来准备听丹尼尔怎么回应时，我想我们都想知道电话的那头会如何回应。“哦，是吗？”我们听到女孩儿说，“哦，那好吧，咱们再聊。”
她放下电话，愣愣地发着呆，看起来像个十足的孩子。她的朋友不耐烦了，问道：“丹尼尔到底说什么了？”
过了一会儿，小女孩儿才回答说：“他说他刚理了个新发型。”
From the moment our children are born； we as parents want to give them our best。 Shower them with love； wrap them in security； feed and fort them； respond to all their needs。
For how long should we be doing this？ Is there ever a case for not heeding their cries？ Being in a position to alleviate their distress； or； quite simply； to make them happy； why on earth shouldn’t we？ If nothing else； a prompt response eliminates a lot of friction。
Never mind if the children are deprived of a chance to explore their hidden resources through longing； yearning； dreaming of things they cannot have。 Of the supreme satisfaction of finally obtaining something long coveted。
But imagine being the child of parents who have allowed this pattern to continue： Entering the adult world only to find that it does not cater to your every need but is full of individuals likewise deluded into thinking they e first…
Imagine seeing your relationships fail because all they are based on is want。 Because you have never been taught the art of renouncing your own demands for the sake of another…
Insistence on relief the minute a need arises is as bad as any addiction。 Training children to survive unaided – physically； emotionally； socially – is a duty all parents owe their offspring。 And the earlier it starts the better。
Would you be one of those who go through life apologizing to your parents for being what you are or； rather； for not being what they had hoped for？
If so； you are the victim of an artful； not unmon； form of parental manipulation。 Nothing is easier for a mother； or father or； in extreme cases； both； than instilling a sense that the offspring does not measure up to expectation。
It suits their purposes ideally： augments their ability to exert control； lessens the risk of misbehaviour and； not least； ensures continual efforts on behalf of the child to win the approval otherwise withheld。
If this hold can be maintained into adult age； the advantage grows in proportion； often transferring to the new young family； who will live in awe of in…laws and grandparents。
As they get elderly and more dependent； such parents step up their demands； making son or daughter dance attendance；terrified of doing anything to displease。 Still no effort will ever be sufficient to make up for disappointing them。
Only death will break the fetters of this carefully devised entrapment。 And the parents will go to their grave never having received the gift of their child’s true affection。
Like most seven…year…olds； I adored my first teacher； seeing her as infinitely superior in her elevated position of authority； appointed to dispel the darkness of our ignorance。 txt小说上传分享
Growing up 长大（3）
Every word uttered by her； every scrap of knowledge she imparted； I lapped up as if it was mother’s milk。
One day she introduced us to the concept of origin。 “All you see around you in this class…room；” she declared； “has been something else before。” Now； as we pointed out different things to her； she would explain how they had started out。
A lot of pointing ensued： This desk； we learnt； had once been a tree growing in the forest… just like the copy…book… That school…bag was made from the hide of a cow… the sweater had been knitted from sheep’s wool… And so on。
Thankful for an opportunity to clarify the background of an object that had long mystified me； I pointed to the bakelite electric socket。
The teacher blanched。 For a moment she seemed at a loss for words。 Then she posed herself and said； in a loud didactic voice： “That socket used to be… er… er… It’s imported。 That’s it。 From Africa。 It grows there； on a very rare bush。 Next； please。”
From that moment I have never trusted authority。
“Perhaps it is the way God intended it；” sighed the mother of two teenage boys； half in jest。 “To make your little darlings so obnoxious that it will be a relief； not a tragedy； to see them flee the nest。”
Lowering her voice confidentially； she added： “Sometimes I feel as if I can’t take another day of living with so much opposition… ungraciousness… rudeness…”
I tried to cheer her up by quoting the old Oriental wisdom that it is from those who give us most trouble that we stand to learn the most。
“Oh yes；” she retorted cynically。 “I’ve learnt my lesson。 How not to bring up children。 I’ve been far too nice to them。”
The teenage conflicts that erupt in most healthy families should not be taken lightly or ignored as a passing ； as the established parent/child positions bee outgrown。
Whether it’s long harboured childhood grievances finally surfacing； or a straight…forward need for adult autonomy； teenage rebellion is a signal that an entirely new bond has to be forged。
As in all personal clashes； on